You are currently viewing Episode 152 – Finding your Awesome When Life Gets Hard with Alison Faulkner

Episode 152 – Finding your Awesome When Life Gets Hard with Alison Faulkner

Buckle in because you are going to love the one and only Alison Faulkner! 

Alison’s unique style and incredible energy are contagious. 

Don’t be distracted by the amazing nails and fabulous dance moves, pay attention because this girl’s got a ton of depth and life experience to share with us. 

You don’t want to miss this episode featuring car accidents, the unending urge to pee and what pretty plants saved Alison in her darkest hours. 

Alison Faulkner has made a career doing whatever she feels like doing. She is a branding and events expert, and author of the book, “You’re Already Awesome!” Alison built her business on the back of DIY, Etsy shops, and many craft fairs along the way! She hosts the podcast Awesome with Alison–a top 100 podcast, and acts as consultant for Fortune 500 companies, as a speaker, artist, and self-proclaimed nonsense dancer.

Alison generously shared her worksheet  “I wanna Know what FUN is!”

Download it here!

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Amy: Thank you, Alison, for being here. I’m so excited for everyone to get to meet Alison. I met her first, I think on a podcast and I was instantly like drawn to her and her energy, um, and everything she shares.

So, so grateful you’re here to talk about. Just being awesome. And your perspective on like living life when it’s hard, um, and just sharing your energy. I got to meet with Alison and hear her speak and she started out her speech with an amazing. What would you call it? A blessing, a coming into ourselves, beautiful, um, little ritual.

So we’re going to do it virtually, but she’s going to just spend a minute or two just helping us and grounding us. And again, just, I would invite you to, you know, if you can’t stop what you’re doing, if you’re driving, don’t close your eyes, but, um, Let’s just sit and listen and be present with each other as Alison starts us off.

Alison: Okay. Well, thank you so much for having me. I’m so happy to be here. And we were just talking about this idea of presence. And so that’s what I would do to start us off is just invite us into the present moment. And the reason why we often aren’t in the present moment is because it’s very distracting.

The world is very distracting and, um, it’s not because we’re bad or wrong. Also, the present moment can hold a lot of heaviness and a lot of pain. So just, um, inviting people into their minds. Just notice. Is it busy? Are there thoughts? Is it vacant? Is it staticky? Just noticing. And then invite us into our hearts.

And what I like to do is… Just kind of like pour almost like a golden elixir, or it can be like a water slide or whatever visual. We’re going to go from the mind to the heart. So we’re going to take those intentions of stillness from our mind and let them pour into the heart so that the mind and heart are connected.

And then we’re going to come into our physical body. And the way I like to do that is by noticing what’s being held tense. So maybe tap between your forehead, you can notice where your shoulders are at,

notice if you’re holding your breath, notice if you’re clutching any muscles in your legs, your, your glutes, your tummy, and just taking that same peace, presence, that calm that was pouring from our mind into our heart, we can envision that pouring through our body. And this is not to cast out or fix any of the feelings of grief or sadness or sorrow that were in our body, but just to also be present to this moment and give it a chance for maybe it to be both.

Maybe it can be a moment of total calm and peace, or maybe it’s a moment of peace with grief. Um, but just allowing it to be what it is.

So felt like that.

Amy: I love it. A water slide from your mind to your heart. Yeah. That’s my favorite part. I’ve always like connect and like put your hand on your heart, but like that visual is so amazing.

Alison: Well, and I think, um, I guess so that a similar visual Megan Waterson is a wonderful author. She, uh, writes about Mary Magdalene and she writes about the early Christianity from like a very different perspective.

Um, and that’s a visual that she is slightly different, but, um, that like I loved one time she, she shared that thought of creating that passage moving from your mind into your heart. And, um. You know, whether, whether you’re religious or not, like the, the concept comes from the early Gnostics, which were the early followers of Christ, um, were desiring to keep Christ in their heart at all times.

And so I love that thought regardless of, you know, where you’re at there, but of that, like what that’s representing to me is like unconditional love and compassion. And so it’s that really analytical, logical mind can, can get a lot of, um, good, a lot of good juju, a lot of good grease by sliding down into the heart, right?

Amy: Yeah. And I think it’s helpful too. Cause like. When our heart’s broken, when our brain’s all over the place, it’s like, can be hard to connect them, but yeah, creating like a path. 

so good. Okay. Here’s what I’m thinking. I have your bio. It’s amazing. It’s like this amazing resume of things that you’ve done and accomplished and all of that.

And I’m going to for sure put that in the show notes. Um, but I feel like you’re just like, it’s so much more than that. Um, so my question is, as you introduced yourself is like, who is Alison today in this present moment and maybe not with all those external things, but who are you and how would you introduce yourself to us?

Alison: That’s a really beautiful question. I really love that. And I think that’s a. I think that’s reflective of you asking yourself really good questions. Um, and like, who am I today? Or who do I want to be today? And that’s also something, like a tip that I’m sure you know, and grief when you’re talking with people, instead of that open ended question of like, how are you?

You know, after this tragedy or loss, you say, how are you right now? Or how, how has today been for you? So that’s interesting. I just haven’t thought of that before. Okay. So now, now I’ll answer your question. Um, you know, I have been actually thinking about that a lot as I, you know, have worked and worked and worked for so many years, like so many people, and then my body got really sick and gave out.

And as I am like trying to understand how I want to come back and show up in the world and how I want to do it. Um, there’s a tendency to want to be like, I’m not going to do like I did before. It’s not going to be like before. Right. Um, however, I found myself in this place where. Okay, well, when I focus on what I don’t want it to be, I don’t know what I do want it to be.

And so I realized that that shift wasn’t happening internally. So over the, and it was causing some depression and stagnant feelings. And so I was actually sitting by the river, which I love to sit by, um, water. And I was thinking about, you know, If I was going to have like one job, I do so many things.

I’ve taught workshops, I’ve done events, I’ve done dance parties, I have a book, I do speaking, sometimes I make journals and calendars, and sometimes I make art, and sometimes I make virtual courses, and of all the things, Um, I think the most, like, sacred, true calling that I feel is that of, like, teacher, and in that same breath, um, I believe that, , the best teachers or educators are also students.

And so just like as of last week, I was like, I’m going to be a, that’s my, I’m going to wear the badge of teacher educator. I don’t work in the school, but I do teach and educate. So, and that feels really, really good for me because, um, I think that we are best served by noticing our superpowers and the things that come to us with a lot of Both with a lot of effortless ease, but then we take that ease and we put in the time to maybe understand the natural talent and refine it.

And I think that that’s what teaching is for me. It’s something that I naturally am predisposed to my nature, my nurture, but I’ve also spent the last 15 years really looking at how do you teach and learn? Effectively and specifically in the area of concepts having to do with. Our experience being a human.

Did that make sense?

Amy: Yeah, I love it. You just reminded me. Now tell me, is this still available? Allison’s cookie party. Yes, it still exists.

Alison: It still exists. And I have a class I’m working on. See, this is like we’re about flowers. And so I’m like, why am I doing this online class about flowers and this?

And I’m like, cause I love teaching and I love flowers. So that’s what I want to talk about right now.

Amy: Yes. And you guys need to follow her on Instagram because you will get to see all the amazing things that she is making and creating. But yes, Alison’s cookie party is like a cookie decorating little course, which I bought cause like me and my kids, it’s so fun.

Alison: Oh, thank you. And I love, I love so much how you said me and my kids because that was something that was an unintended or like a bonus of doing that course. So I did it. And that was, I mean, it was like almost a decade ago and I didn’t really. Like, you know, there’s a lot of things I didn’t understand about myself and about what I was doing at the time.

I was just doing it and so many people told me that that was a wonderful experience for them and their children to have that together. And I was like, and since then I’m like, Oh yeah, me and kids, we hang out, we love each other. I like, I understand, like the children understand me and get me more usually than adults.

I can use like, um, so I really appreciate that because I think that’s. The cool thing about learning too is when you learn things together with other people, it’s a really beautiful connecting experience.

Amy: I think you’re a really great example of like making life prettier.

Letting creativity just flow and go. And sometimes you just do it for you. And sometimes you’re like, I’m just gonna sell flowers this weekend or whatever it is. Um, you’re doing like jewelry and cross stitching and like all of it. Um, I’m loving it. But. What would you say to someone who maybe feels like their creative juices are stuck or they they’re putting all this like pressure rules on top of it?

Like what wisdom would you share as far as like, just letting it flow where it flows?

Alison: I love that. And I think it’s so perfect for the context of the conversation, which in the large part is grief. And so for me, that’s, I I’m realizing that that is the way that I cope with. Um. Anything. That’s the way I cope with all the feelings.

Um, it’s like this idea of, and I’ve said it for years, but it means something different to me now, compulsively crafty. Um, when I was, when I was a little kid, I would learn. A craft, friendship bracelets, hemp macrame, making polymer clay beads, and just like really voraciously learn everything I could, which didn’t involve YouTube and the internet.

It involved, you know, like old school books or my grandma. And, um, cause my mom isn’t necessarily very crafty. She’s very creative. Um, but she’s not like hands on crafty. That’s more my dad, actually. Um, and. So what I have noticed in my own life is the farther I get away from my truest nature, the more disconnected I am from my creative, playful side.

And I’m using playful because… What you described, you’re like, you make things beautiful and I’m like, and really messy, like, yes, it’s like, it’s a beautiful mess. Like I do, I make things beautiful and complicated and intense and over the top and, um, but also beautiful. Uh, so I appreciate that. And. You know, one question that comes up a lot, you know, that song, I want to know what love is like that.

Um, for forever ago, I made like a worksheet and I can give it to you guys as a free download. I have it somewhere. I don’t even know, but, uh, we can get it to you. And it’s called, I want to know what fun is. , and a lot of that worksheet has to do with helping you identify What you think you need to have done, accomplished, or achieved before you’re allowed to have fun.

So, in a simpler way of saying it, if you feel like you’ve lost your creative juices, if you’re feeling uninspired, um, look at the laundry list of chores you are mentally asking yourself to do before you’re allowed to have any fun. And that right there is gonna spark a lot, I think, because it’s very easy for us to say, I don’t, I don’t, I’m not creative.

I don’t have any ideas. I don’t know what I want to do. I don’t know how to, like, have more fun. But on the other hand, of course you don’t, like, it’s almost not compassionate to ask yourself to answer that question when you’re like, but before I’m allowed to have that fun, I also have to do these 30 things.

Right. So that, that would be like one of my first, well, the first tip is it’s going to also be messy. And I happen to have a superpower of living with chaos. Um, now it also all like all superpowers has a flip side and also is my demise. So, so like I read this somewhere that like if more of us started talking about what we’re naturally good at.

Um, Um, it’s hard to recognize what we’re naturally good at, but if we could claim what we’re naturally good at, then others of us wouldn’t walk around feeling like we should all, so like you’re asking me that and I’m like, Hey, a disclaimer. I’m naturally predisposed to this. It came to me probably easier than it comes to other people, just like my husband took the kids to a doctor’s appointment today.

I got really mad at him because I was so mad because I can’t schedule the appointments and get the kids there. And I don’t, I don’t say that like, I don’t want to do it, or, like, when I start to do it, my brain starts shutting down, right? And I can feel really bad about myself, and that, like, I can’t, it’s not a big thing, but, like, it is, you know?

So, um, notice what you’re naturally predisposed to. Notice the things that you have to overcome to allow yourself to have fun. And also, fun does require a bit of chaos.

Amy: Yes. It is always the 50 50 of it all. Yeah. Yeah. I, I love that. And it, it goes into kind of another question I wanted to ask you, which I mean, you can share as much.

Backstory or as you want or not, um, but you have been through some very significant physical health challenges. Would you call them mental health challenges? Like life has not, I mean, you’re sitting here laughing, you’re sparkling and like you have been through H E double hockey sticks, uh, as we say, and back and back

so I had a couple of, of questions about that. One is, how have you had compassion for yourself as you’ve been through this roller coaster of being a human, um, when you’ve done things like making flowers to cope or like doing, doing all the things that you’ve done to try to manage all of this, um, it is messy.

How do you show compassion to yourself or like, what would you share with someone who’s Who’s feeling like they’re not handling, , all the curveballs that life has thrown at them.

Alison: I love that. Um, yeah. So, I mean, I, yeah, just like a little bit of context, I have always been incredibly anxious with a really wonderful family.

Um, and every creature comfort seemingly available. So, I think to answer your question, I, I was never compassionate with myself for most of my life. Um, I, I didn’t think I was allowed to have trauma. I didn’t think I was allowed to have all those feelings that I had to the point where I definitely have had some very significant trauma that I completely blocked and just decided to delete.

Um, but we all know the body keeps the score, unfortunately, and fortunately. Uh, and, you know, part of how I was able to recognize the depth of the non compassion and Kind of the torment inside me was through more hard stuff. So like in a span of, you know, so there’s stuff from like, you know, childhood, early adult life, right?

And that it’s you, you can get married and start a family and just kind of decide that you’re just done with all of that, you know? But I think a lot of us are seeing, especially women, um, and men really, like we’re seeing in our late thirties, forties. That’s, that’s when it starts to pop up. Um, this stuff that we kind of thought we didn’t need to or didn’t realize was there.

Um, and what kind of, you know, forced my hand was a series of unfortunate events, right? Like, Um, you know, about seven years ago, within the span of six months, my dad was diagnosed with, like, uncur uncurable cancer, we lost my infant nephew, and then I was hit by a car while running, and had, you know, traumatic brain injury, broken ribs, um, And then, you know, three or four, and then I, but I kept going, I kept working, working, working and doing.

And, um, then, uh, in 2020, at the end of 2020 into 2021, my body started shutting down. So it had to do with my bladder, my nervous system, my liver. So here’s what I learned. I learned from being hit by a car that I was actually being pretty hard on myself because after I’d been hit by a car with broken ribs and a huge black eye, um, and you know, it was pretty, pretty severe.

I was noticing the self talk was really harsh. It’s not that bad. Get up. You’re, you’re, you’re being a baby. You’re being a victim. Um, and I was like, wow, I got hit by a car. Do I not get to be nice to myself? Like there was something about it being, it’s not, um, I don’t know. It was so black and white that it was like, I couldn’t trick myself out of it.

Right. Like it was a reality. And this is, this is, uh, something that I think is hard about trauma is people usually can’t see, or maybe even know about the circumstances. Because they’re private or whatever. But with being hit by a car, um, everybody, people saw it. My, one of my good friends drove by with his teenage son and he didn’t know it was me, um, bleeding on the road.

And I mean, I was like down out for the count, just blood pooling around my head. And he was like, he felt so bad. He was teaching his teenage son to drive. And they drove by the accident and he didn’t want his son to see because he didn’t want his son to start freaking out and he didn’t know it was me.

Um, and, and, you know, I’m like, I’m like, I’m not mad at you for this, you know, but, but I say that because it was this big visible visual trauma. That I couldn’t rewrite in my head because it was so clear what had happened. Um, nobody else’s reality could sway my reality and I couldn’t really hide it from people.

Um, everybody got to see it and I hated it. I hated it. That’s what I hated. Like, I hated it so much. Like, that was so hard for me because I couldn’t. People could see it. And I didn’t like that. So that right there, that was like, very telling of like, wow, look how much I hate people being able to see what I’m struggling with.

Look how much I hate people seeing this weakness. Um, and you know, people all the time. They’re just praising me and applauding me for being so vulnerable and authentic. And I am. But the things that I’m being vulnerable about aren’t as vulnerable for me as maybe they are for you. So that’s why it seems so crazy to you.

Where I’m like, for me, being, bleeding on the side of the road was a horrific, vulnerable experience. That I would never, like, that was awful for me. Um, and so, all of that to say that it’s taken a lot of years and a lot of noticing. to understand how abusive that self relationship really was. And I think most of us, eh, yeah, yeah, I’m gonna throw it out there.

I think most of us are in a fairly abusive self relationship. Um, I, like I said, am good at chaos and the extreme and the intensity. So I just did that same thing. With myself, um, and when my body started going haywire in 2020, 2021, I said, I’m not going to do again what I did last time, meaning when I got hit by a car.

I was teaching with Broken Ribs, I was teaching a workshop a month later. And so people are like, wow, you took a break, good for you. And I’m like, on the one hand, I really was too sick to not take a break. So is it a break? But on the other hand, I’ve never allowed or acknowledged myself to be sick enough to warrant a break.

And I was, and I was, I was nothing but praised and applauded for it. Yeah.

Amy: Right. Yeah. So interesting. Like what’s going on with you and your own inner dialogue and then the outside, you know, people, the things they say, the way they treat you, the way they see you. Yeah. Be like a lot to figure

Alison: out. Yeah. And I love the way you said that because that’s.

That’s what’s, um, we take our cues from the outside world a lot of the time, and that’s why we did that exercise at the beginning, to come into our mind and come into our heart, come into our body, and that’s something that I’m really working on right now to increase my self compassion, is to really allow Allison to have Allison’s experience.

I, I’m a hyper aware person. I know how you’re feeling. I know how that person across the room is feeling. I know how the 10 behind people behind me are feeling. I can feel their feelings. I can read their body language. I can tell you what type of relationship they’re in almost where it looks like I’m like, um, like a card counter reader in Vegas like that.

It’s like a magic trick. Yeah. Like, like I can do it. Um, it’s because it’s so it’s like coded in me. Um, and that’s it’s cool. It’s awesome. It’s it’s really served me in a lot of ways. The ways that it hasn’t served me is by making my experience not matter or not correct to accommodate or understand other people’s experiences.

So, that’s, it’s a tendency that some people have and some people do not have. And I think for the people who do not have that tendency, it’s a very confusing concept. So I don’t know. Does that make sense? What I’m saying?

Amy: Yeah. Yeah. I love it. I love it. I’m like,

if it doesn’t make sense, it’s going to make sense to the people that need to hear it.

Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, I think that whole part, which is like, as I was preparing, I was thinking like, yeah, the message I really want people to hear is like, you can love yourself. In the mess, love yourself, whatever way you’re coping, however you do it. And you can notice it, love yourself and want to do differently.

Um, as we all move along this path and figure things out and you touched a lot on your body. So you had like a. you know, getting hit by a car. You’ve had your body shutting down. You’ve had these things. And a lot of people listening, like I think all of us pregnancy, however, you know, whatever it looks like or far along we were, whatever like process we were doing to try and have a baby, it changes our body, um, forever.

And for some people also, there’s an added layer of. Trauma health issues. You might’ve had emergency C section. Like I had preeclampsia and still have like chronic, I’m probably always going to have blood pressure things. Um, so would you just speak to maybe the relationship with our bodies when we feel like they have failed us or they’ve been broken or we see our scars and we’re still carrying them with us.

Alison: Yeah. I just got a little weepy because you’re, you are just such a quiet powerhouse, man. You and your sneaky, thoughtful questions.

Um, yeah, that’s a really powerful question. I was so. I was so mad at my body and I ignored it because when I don’t know what to do, like if I don’t, I’m like a all yes or all no. And if I don’t know what to do, I, I realized sometimes I just like go away. Um, and that’s why my body. Shut down because it kept trying to get my attention.

And so, so how it manifested and people laugh or they get it and you can do both, but really like how it manifested was I had to pee for almost two years. Meaning the pressure in my bladder in all of that area was so severe, so painful. You know what it feels like when you, you have to pee so bad, your bladder is going to burst.

, it felt like that for like at least a year and a half. And nothing anybody could do would make it go away. And so I kept thinking. If I fixed the trauma and I faced all the things and I got mad at my mom and I got mad at my dad and I got mad at my sister and I let myself be angry because that’s what they say with bladder issues is you need to get pissed off, you know?

And so I was like, okay, okay, because that’s how much pain I was in, right? Like there was the only option was like the pain was all consuming all day, every day. Um, And, you know, I tried it every which way I tried to be hyper aware of my body and be in my body and be embodied all the time. . And that was one approach.

And then I took a bunch of painkillers and just was like, nothing’s working. And I’ll just have to be a person who’s on painkillers all the time, which I hated because your brain is dead. Um, and you do need pain medication. Sometimes you do need pain management and relief. , but there, there comes that threshold where you, you have to ask yourself.

Okay, what discomfort is serving me and what discomfort needs attention, meaning help, so that, right? Um, and so, the way that I have been working on accepting my body, Is it’s, it’s going to sound like really esoteric and it’s like go for it. Just say it. So I felt like I’ve done all I’ve had to do, you know, I did a lot.

I gave it all. I don’t really, I was tired. I don’t like, I’m, why do I have to still be here doing this? Um, and I was praying one night, just really struggling with that thought because it was so uncomfortable to be in my body. I just didn’t want to be in it anymore. It felt like my body wasn’t mine because the things that have happened to my body, I didn’t know about some of them and I didn’t understand some of them and, um, I don’t know.

It just, yeah, it was a really rough relationship. The, I think the way that I’ve come to understand how to be compassionate and be in this body that disappoints me. And doesn’t listen to me and won’t let me control it and won’t stay the size I want it to stay all the time and won’t function the way I want it to function and makes me feel like I have to pee or like I’m, I was so mad at my stupid body and I got away for a long time just completely ignoring it.

Um, and got away with meaning it all hit real hard. Um, because adrenaline and dopamine, you don’t have to eat, you don’t have to sleep. And that’s what I did. And I thought that’s what you were supposed to do. Like, I, like, I really, like, I didn’t think I was. Do it like I was like, no, I’m, I’m doing a good job because I’m being grateful and I’m serving other people and you know, um, but I was completely in some ways completely disassociated from my body.

Um, and so the thing that has helped me the most with that relationship is flowers and nature and. You know, when I was in my hardest moments, not able to work, not able to take care of my kids, not able to do anything, I would just sit by the river or in the river, uh, the Provo River Trail for hours, like hours, and, um, just cry and scream and be so mad at God and be so mad at my body.

Um, And then I just, like the flowers, I just, I love the freaking flowers. And here’s the thing about the flowers is they grow wonky and they die and they’re beautiful dried and they make lovely potpourri. I have dried, I mean, I have, I have rose petal, like I have dried flowers. I have a life, like they’re everywhere.

And one night when I was praying and just so mad, I was like, why do I have to be here? And I was like, this is where the flowers are. And what that meant to me was like, this physical body is fleeting and it is temporary, but without the dichotomy of our physical body, which can feel the pain. We it’s like I love, um, Greek and Roman mythology and they talk about the gods and you know, a common theme in fantasy and mythology is the gods having no compassion for humanity because they haven’t been mortal for so long.

And so the frailty of flowers, the frailty of our mortality, it is what gives us the urgency And intensity of being alive and without that urgency and intensity that our body essentially constrains us to the experience is not as expansive or rich. And so I’ll give you a combo. I gave you a convoluted long answer.

And the short answer is acceptance.

The short and concise answer is acceptance. And the way that I was finally able to accept

was, was by looking at the flowers and understanding that just because these flowers die, they Or are bruised or the leaves fall off the tree. Like it still has all this intrinsic value and it’s phases and seasons.

Amy: It’s beautiful. I love it because it just shows that we all have to figure this out for ourselves.

Like flowers was it for you? That was, you know, and also all the heart, like all of the things. Yeah. And that finding your own answers, finding your own inspiration, finding your own thing that keeps you here. Sometimes we need a thing. We’re dealing with this a little bit right now. It’s just sometimes you just need a thing to keep you going and looking forward, like for one more minute or one more day or whatever it is.

So I love your beautiful answer. And I could talk to you forever.

Alison: And I obviously could talk forever, 

Amy: but I wanted to, I mean, I have so many questions, but I wanted to leave on this note. Now you have. A couple of amazing, I don’t know if you’d call them mantras, but like you have the correct me if I’m wrong, like you’re already awesome.

You’re doing a great job, which I use all the time. Um, and like, just be the USG that you can be. So could you maybe just share some of those, like that message with everyone listening, um, and how. We can really work on believing that we are already awesome and we don’t have to earn it . Hmm.

Alison: Um, I’m so glad you asked that because there was just one little thought that I felt like I should share, but I was like, it seems like I’ve already talked so much.

But, so really, really recently, so in the past two months, we’ve lost two friends to suicide. Um, one, a really good friend where it was completely unexpected. And then my husband’s uncle, and that was just last week and he was really close to that. That uncle was only 10 years older than him. He was really close to that uncle growing up and I’m closer to his wife because she’s not that much older than me.

So when I first came into the, you know, extended family, she was one of the only people who I felt like I was such a weirdo to them. Like I’m so they love me now, but they thought I was, I was the first person to marry into the family. And they were like, who? Like, I just confused them, right? Like, and so she, she, I didn’t confuse her.

And so she was like kind of a safe landing place for me, like at family parties and everything. And so to lose him and watch her lose him and they’ve got four kids at home. Um, and so her youngest is 10 and then there’s, um, a 20 year old girl, a 17 year old girl. And I was talking to the girls the day after they realized their dad, he had been missing and then he was found and he was gone.

And I just felt so impressed to say to them, Hey, just in case you’re wondering, you aren’t doing this wrong. you aren’t grieving incorrectly. I was like, I deal in this crap. Okay. I deal in it. I deal in it. I work in it. And it was so sweet. The 17 year old, she’s so just direct and tender. And she said, I have been feeling like I’m doing it wrong.

And so the mantra, like a mantra, an affirmation, um, a landing, a compassionate, I like sometimes think of it as a compassionate landing spot. When you’re in a trauma cycle or anxiety loop or spiral of any sort, right? Is you can’t be yourself incorrectly. Like, I can’t be Allison incorrectly. And in your grief, in your sadness, you can’t grieve incorrectly.

You’re not doing it wrong. Because… Even if you’re, you know, numbing out, drinking, abusing drugs. You’re going to learn that’s going to take you it’s you got maybe you got a bottom out before you ask for help. Um, I believe that our, our, our minds are trying to keep us safe, sometimes for good, sometimes for bad, um, to the detriment of our body.

But as you are more compassionate with yourself, your capacity opens up. And when your capacity opens up, you then are able to hold. And heal and deal with those things. And so, if you cannot deal with those things right now, that’s correct for you. Like, that is correct for you. Your, your body is saying, I’m not safe to hold this emotion alone.

Or, I’m not safe, I don’t have the capacity to hold this feeling. And that, like, that right there, that’s, that’s really important information. Because that lets you know that you need even more compassion, you need even more support, even more help, even more rest. And that can feel like a death sentence when you feel like you’ve tapped out asking for help and making appointments.

And, and you’re like, I’m done needing help. And I would just say, you’re never done needing help. You’re not doing your grief incorrectly. Sure, there’s things that might be healthier, but like, I’ve noticed that I’m gonna say it like a Eeyore, like blah, blah, blah. Where it’s like, um, you know, and I won’t even say it’s incorrect, but I think the only detrimental thing is to stop attempting to show up to your life.

And if you can’t show up to your life because it’s too painful, that’s okay to take a break for a minute, but then, then it’s time for help. So the repeat there is you can’t, you’re not doing this incorrectly. You’re just, you’re not like, you are not doing your grief incorrectly. You are not living your heart experience incorrectly.

It’s valid. It’s worthy. Um. And no matter how you do it, you could just do it so awful and you could be so messy and hurt so many people in your healing, and you are still valuable and worthy of love. And one of my friends, I’ve had a lot of death this year, and one of my friends who passed away this 40, and

I love, I loved him so much. He’s my friend from college and he was volatile. Like he’d get in fights with people and he would, he would like, he’d get mad at people. And one of my favorite things was at his funeral, which was like one of the biggest funerals I’ve ever attended. It was packed with so many people and so many people were like, Oh, John and I, we hadn’t talked in a while or we were in a fight or, you know, but they knew that he loved them.

And that’s why they were there. And it was such a beautiful message to me because I keep feeling like because I mess up or I do it, not in the best way. That I don’t get to keep showing up, but it was like, no, like, show up, people are gonna know you love them, and you can be messy, and you can do it in this really messy way.

Um, so it was like, it was like this, kind of like this evidential proof to this theory that I had been looking for, that this tragedy helped me see, is you can’t, you’re not doing it incorrectly. You can’t.

Amy: I love that. And it, yeah, it just, it makes me think of you because we love you when you’re dancing on Instagram and we love you when you were , taking care of yourself and doing what you needed to do there.

Um, yeah, I’ve just loved talking to you.

Alison: I’ve loved talking to you. Thank you for your thoughtful, beautiful questions. I appreciate it. Yeah. 

Amy: Tell the people. Where they can find you, where they can get your book, how they can, like, get more Alison in and more awesome in their life. 


Uh, thank you. Yeah, I’ve got my book that came out about a year ago.

It’s called You’re Already Awesome. And my intention with the book was that, you know, of course it’s for anybody who wants to feel good, but it’s really like bite sized so that when you are feeling like you can’t access that self compassion, I hope that the book can help you access it. Um, and that’s sold all the places they sell the things.

I read it on the audio version. Um, and I, uh, I’ve got a course coming out. I’m really excited about it. It’s going to come out, I think, at the end of October, but it’s called Flower Power Magic. And I share that because I shared that story with you, um, where, uh, you know, how much the flowers mean to me right now.

And I felt kind of… dumb, like I put a book out and now I’m making a flower court. Like what am I even doing? And I was like, that’s what I like to do. So, uh, so that, and on, um, I am going to show up on social media a little bit in a healthy way, in a way that feels true for me. As of yesterday, I decided, um, and I’ll let you know next week, but it’s the Alison show on Instagram.

So yeah.

Amy: Amazing. Well, thank you. I will put all the links in so that people can find you. And I’m super excited to see your flower course. Thank you. Um, because I mean, learning to arrange flowers is awesome, but getting to feel your energy is the best part. Well, thank you so much. 

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