Today’s special episode features some precious babies who were lost due to miscarriage, stillbirth or other kinds of babyloss. Even though they died, they also lived! They taught us lessons and today I’m sharing listener submissions, reading babies’ names and memories. I’m also giving some easy tips to make Pregnancy and Infant Loss awareness Day and Month easier.
Thank you to everyone who sent in a name. It is an honor to know you and your babies.
Thanks for celebrating 4 years of the Smooth Stones Podcast with me!
Welcome to a really special episode. It’s special for a lot of reasons. First, it’s been four years since I started this podcast and I am so grateful to be able to spend this time with you each week. I thank you for your support. I thank you for the reviews you leave and for the DMs I get saying how much you love the podcast.
That’s why I do it. It’s for you. And. For your family and for all the people you love and the people you interact with. Because I think that, you know, as I’m recording this, there’s a lot going on in the world. There’s a lot that’s heavy and we wonder why isn’t there more peace? Why can’t we get along? Why can’t we, you know, just be kinder to each other and, and fix some of these problems and these stigmas and the, the things that are out there.
I think that we fix it one human being at a time, and my goal is to help one lost parent at a time to find themselves again, to find their confidence, to learn how to make decisions, to learn how to live again and to breathe again and to really be the person they want to be in the world. And that is how we change the world.
And I know I wish there was just like a magic wand I could wave. What I can do is share with you. Tools and knowledge and lessons and ideas and questions to get you thinking and help you in your life. And there’s just such a ripple effect of that. And I think the more that we can do this, the more that we can learn to love ourselves, the less pain there’s going to be in the world.
So thank you again for being here. Thank you for spending this time with me. The other reason this is so special is because I am just so honored to read about the babies that have been submitted. their names, their lessons. It’s a beautiful thing. So most of this episode will just be me reading these submissions.
But before I started, I did want to just give a little pep talk. I don’t, I don’t know, a little lesson. A little opening lesson here, um, before I dive into reading those names and I wanted to do a quick reminder. If you’re new to the lost community or if you haven’t heard, there is a wave of light on October 15th at 7 p.
m. whatever time zone you’re in. Light a candle in memory of your baby. Every year I light three candles, one for Lauren, one for River, and one for all babies gone too soon. And it’s a beautiful tradition and it really connects us around the world. And the goal is that if everyone lights a candle at 7 p. m.,
there will be an unbroken wave of light that will go around the earth for 24 hours. And I just think it’s a beautiful, beautiful thing, and it’s been an honor to participate in it. So if. If you want to do that, whether you’ve had a loss or not, share it with your friends, your family. It’s just a beautiful thing to do.
And I also wanted to say that whether you’re going to a walk, whether you have plans this month, whether you have plans for October 15th for this Remembrance Day, there are many, many events. And then sometimes you’re just not in a place to do them, whether physically, emotionally, whatever. You get to decide how you spend Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
You don’t have to do anything. There are no rules. You can go all out. You can plan something. Um, you can attend something. You can connect with people. You can sit at home with a cup of cocoa and a blanket and your favorite TV show. There’s no wrong way to do this. I just hope that you’d honor yourself.
Honor that mothering, fathering, parenting energy that’s within you and honor your babies. That’s all you need to do is think about them and feel some love. That’s what it’s for. It’s not a day to for us to feel guilty or be judging ourselves. Okay. Uh, here are my three lessons that I thought, what do I want to say?
What do I want to say to anyone who’s listening and thinking about their babies and maybe feeling a little extra emotional this time of year and baby loss awareness. Number one, love yourself right where you are. You cannot mess this up. You’re not supposed to be anywhere other than where you are in your life, in your grief.
Just love yourself. There’s no downside to loving yourself. Number two, there are no bad emotions. We want to open up to all emotions. We’ve been taught directly and indirectly throughout all our life that the most best emotion, of course, is happiness. But when we think we should be happy all the time, we can get really down because the truth is we’re not happy all the time and we’re not supposed to be happy all the time.
There are no bad emotions. I don’t even use the word negative emotions here. I usually say uncomfortable emotions that are just emotions that we like and emotions that we don’t like. And, um, they can shift and change and evolve, but it’s okay to be uncomfortable. It’s okay to feel sadness. It’s okay to feel grief.
It’s okay to feel angry. When we welcome all emotions, life gets so much easier. And number three, you and your baby are miracles. We kind of have this big criteria on what is a miracle. I say just decide it. I think you’re a miracle. I have seen so many little miracles who did not live more than a few weeks in their mother’s stomach and They’re miracles from their little tiny fingernails to their cute little noses and their toes My goodness, it’s just a miracle that we’re all here.
I believe we are created by a loving being who made us miracles and There’s no other way to look at it. So don’t hate yourself. Don’t hate your body Don’t feel like you didn’t get your miracle because your baby didn’t live you and your baby are miracles All right, let’s read some names And again, I am just so honored to be able to do this and I hope that you enjoy these lessons
And please excuse me if I mispronounce a name. I’m going to try my best. But something that I like to think if someone mispronounces your angel baby’s name is just… That’s normal, right? If they were here and living, they would get their name said wrong and, um, even where they are, that’s going to happen sometimes.
So I’m going to do my best. Feel free to DM me and correct me. But this one says, Nehal was a much hoped for sibling to our daughter, but we lost him towards the end of the first trimester of pregnancy. We chose the name as it means little tree, and we remember him every time we’re outside in nature, taking walks and admiring the natural changes through the seasons.
He taught me that I cannot control things, and that was incredibly hard to accept. But he also taught me that trying to control and plan and stay safe separates me from the experience of being alive. The time with him, and the very tough path I’ve walked. Since learning about his, his death have been life changing for me, I am filled with gratitude, but was filled with despair and sadness for a long time.
I’m grateful that he helped me to slow down to really, really connect with my emotions, to get help and start talking about what’s going on and what’s been going on for almost all my life. I’m working with a therapist and understood how I’ve carried so much trauma for so long and felt different and wrong because of that.
Without this kind soul of our little boy, I would have struggled to ever learn about myself and what life is really about. To accept that yin and yang are both beautiful experiences and that being human means allowing for all the emotions to come up and be processed and learning more about ourselves.
I love that so much. Yeah, sometimes we do have to hit those experiences that push us to our knees in order to find a way to climb out of that darkness. And thank you. This person really said the podcast was a blessing and I appreciate that so, so much. Thank you for sharing that..
I have two babies who ran on ahead. Their names are Ryan and Aspen. Ryan was the first to leave us and go to heaven. I often share just how close my eldest son was and is to Ryan. He was five years old at the time of Ryan’s passing. Ryan’s big brother would talk to Ryan almost every day and tell him how much he loved him.
My five year old would hug and kiss my tummy and say how excited he was to get to see him soon. To this day, we talk about Ryan and share how close he feels. Ryan will always be part of our family. My next pregnancy was twins, one of which was Aspen. Aspen didn’t live to the end of the pregnancy with their sister, but I did get to hold them both after they were born.
Aspen and their twin sister taught me that it is okay to feel joy and pain at the same time. I can love and honor both of them. Even though Aspen is not physically here with us, I always include them in their twin sister’s monthly photos. Aspen’s heart pillow is always there. It weighs what Aspen did at birth.
Both Ryan and Aspen are important members of my family. Regardless of what others might think or say, I know I am their mother and will always be. I can cherish both my living children and my heavenly ones at the same time.
Nelda Rose, we call her Nella. I want people to know that she is part of our family in a special, beautiful way and is just as essential to our family as any other member. Nella has taught me that kindness should be Our default. My message of hope is that it’s not over. Our babies we have lost are just as much a part of our families as our living relatives.
They just have special missions. They are behind the scenes working for our good , in ways they never could here on earth. Although you wish you could be taking care of a baby, believe that now Baby Angel is taking care of you. Amos Atlee Beal is loved and missed. He has been my inspiration for my non profit, Amos Anchors, and my love for him keeps me focused on supporting the perinatal bereavement community.
He taught me how to be brave and to refuse to be silent about important things like grief and loss. He taught me that grief is a love left behind. To my fellow grieving parents, your love for them will remain as long as you live, and you will find ways to parent them from Earth. You will find ways to protect and keep their memory alive in the hearts of those who love you.
Nova Iris Gaunt She did not like to be bothered and would kick her dad’s hand away if he pushed too hard to find her. She helped me start a self love journey that I have been on for the last year. Seeing the features on her that I hated on myself made me love them because I see her in them now. This journey seems lonely at first, but there are so many amazing groups full of mamas ready to love on you.
Also, you will find a strength you never knew you had, and you will use that to make sure your baby lives on. Pixie Rose Clement Clark. I want people to know Pixie lived, even though it was not outside the womb. That she is my daughter, and that she was the most beautiful baby girl. Pixie’s death has taught me so much, but the most powerful teaching she has given me is to hold more love in my heart for myself and all others.
Give yourself time. Lots and lots and lots of time. Lean into the uncomfortable as much as you can and love yourself like you would love another going through such a deep and painful loss. Adley Ellen. I want people to know that even though I didn’t meet her earthside, I know her. She taught us so much.
To ask more questions during appointments, she taught us what Trisomy 18 is., she taught me how strong I am. My message of hope is, it is dark those first couple months, even years, but there is light that comes through the cracks. It’s okay to make others uncomfortable, because grief is uncomfortable.
Ethan Theodore. He’s my second baby after struggling with infertility for so many years. He was a surprise and so very wanted. Having my son die has taught me to be more compassionate towards others and the hard things that others may go through. It may feel like your world is ending, and it has, but I promise that down the road it gets lighter.
Kai Hendricks Henkin and Laker Halston Henkin. It was so hard for me to look at them both because they were their older brother and sister’s twins. I learned you aren’t promised tomorrow, so live like there isn’t one. I want other parents to know the worst is always the beginning. The pain does fade, but there will always be that little pain.
My babies are Brayden Louise and Bryson Kai. One thing I want people to know about them is that they were the most beautiful thing to ever happen to me. They taught me that life can be taken from you anytime and you need to cherish all the moments now. A message of hope I would give grieving parents is living for your babies and in their honor gives life a purpose again.
Hudson and Autumn, they existed. I saw Hudson wave to me on the ultrasound a week before he died. Autumn had her cute little legs crossed and arms behind her head, just relaxing in there before she died. They both taught me that life is short and to not take things for granted. Life moves forward after loss, but you always get to carry their memory with you.
I have three angel babies. They don’t have names. We just call them our angel babies. From them, I have learned to have more empathy. And to grieve with others. I also learned to embrace the joy of the moment. It’s okay to be sad and scared. There is joy coming. And in the end, things will work out more beautifully than you could have imagined.
Julia Mae Sigrist. She had the chubbiest cheeks, born a healthy 9 pounds and 3 ounces with beautiful dark hair. She taught me to be more appreciative of what I have. I would encourage other lost parents to do everything they can to honor their babies. The more you do, the closer they will feel to you.
Matilda, Angel, and Violet. They are still with me in spirit. They taught me how to use my vulnerabilities and transform them into my strength. Where I support other bereaved parents now. We grieve because we love. Your children are still watching over you. So what version of yourself would you like to show up?
Everly Rose. Her life might have been short, but her legacy will last forever. Healing is a journey and there’s no final destinations. It does get easier. Give yourself grace and get creative with how you incorporate your child’s memory into your life. Her name is Autumn.
Even though I lost her early at six weeks, her story still matters. I learned to understand how to empathize more. Everyone is going through something. You will eventually do things that make you happy again. Demani Domani’s life was short, but I’ll always love him. His life will always count. One message I’d give to other parents is grief doesn’t end because love never ends, so be patient with yourself.
Peanut. He didn’t just die, he lived. Even if it was just for a few weeks, it’s worth it to choose to love people. You aren’t alone. There is hope. And I’m gonna add my babies. Lauren and River. They taught me so many lessons, but one of the ones that was said before I really did learn was that I just choose to see that everyone is fighting something hard, everyone has something going on, and so when we can live our lives with empathy.
and understand that we might not see what’s just below the surface. It’s just easier. It’s easier to be kind. It’s easier to be patient and to allow humans to be human because it’s just hard sometimes and we don’t necessarily know what’s going on. Um, In someone’s heart, I am so grateful that I get to be their mom and I’m grateful for all the things I’ve been able to do in their honor, like doing this podcast, like doing charity work, like helping other families and serving my clients who are so amazing.
And I love them so much. And I just want to end this by saying that your babies matter. It doesn’t matter how far along you were. They matter just because they existed and because you love them. So please honor them and allow yourself to do what feels good in your heart. You are the best expert on you.
You know what you need, and I hope that you would search and find it. If you’re not feeling supported, I would love to be a support for you as your coach. And I want to remind you that if you go to my website, smoothstonescoaching. com, on there I have a free video course, it is how to stop blaming yourself.
And I feel like so many parents really blame themselves for so long when their baby dies. And I don’t want you to have to carry that burden anymore. So go to my website. It’s really easy to find where to sign up for this course. You’ll get a little video and some question prompts sent to your email every day for five days.
And it’s a really beautiful thing to do. To put down that weight and to stop blaming yourself and to allow yourself to really Sink into these lessons that our babies have taught us and are trying to teach us You don’t have to carry the burden of guilt and that pain forever It’s not your fault You are so loved I want to send love to everyone on this Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness week and day and every day because when you’re a lost parent, it’s every day.
We always remember them and I will not forget these sweet babies. Thank you so much to everyone who submitted and those who are listening. I want to just end by encouraging you to place one hand on your heart, one hand on your belly. Take a deep breath
And let yourself connect You are so loved and so are your children I’ll see you next time