What’s up everybody? How is your summer going? Uh, we got outta school a month ago. We’ve been doing a lot of things in June, and if you live in Canada or other places, you might just be getting into your summer. We just passed the summer solstice, which. Um, can be a really cool time of the year and shift a little bit of energy and I am just so happy to be here.

So happy to be here with you and help you on your journey in life after baby loss. If you are new here, welcome. I’m Amy. I am the mom of six living kids. My oldest is married, my youngest is five, and I have two babies in heaven. One is named Lauren, one is named River. Lauren was still born at full term in river.

We lost at 14 weeks. And I have really dedicated my life to learning how to live life after loss and then helping other people do it along the way. So I’m so glad you’re here, and for those of you who have been listening and supporting for so long, thank you. I really appreciate you. Today’s episode was inspired by an activity we had last week.

Uh, at my church. We wanted to have kind of a summer party at the park and. We planned a pickleball tournament in addition to, you know, burgers and hot dogs and they had an inflatable slide and all kinds of stuff for people to do, and, but we did it over by these tennis courts where we could play pickleball and.

I have never played pickleball. It’s, I don’t, I would say it’s just like miniature tennis with some different rules. If you’re huge into pickleball, feel free to correct me. But yeah, it’s a racket sport that you play with a partner. Um, or I guess you can probably play alone, but it’s, you use these little paddles and you use a whiffle ball, which was the hardest thing to get used to.

And I’ve, I know lots of people who love pickleball. I have a friend who has a court in her backyard. She loves it so much and I know a lot of people who are obsessed with it, and I just had never tried it and, I wanna share with you today some lessons I learned from pickleball. So this might be a little different than normal, but I love learning lessons just from different experiences, like everyday things.

There’s so much to go through, and I think that you are going to love these lessons too, because they are simple, but they’re not things that we might think about all the time. And so I think it’s gonna be really powerful for you, and I hope that you. Draw some inspiration from the lessons I learned and apply them into your own life and your own struggles and things that you’re trying to do and want to do.

So the first lesson I learned is that sometimes we forget that we have experience and skills that we can draw from. As I started off, we kind of were gathering all the people and whoever wanted to play, and some of these people are playing like all day, every day. They’re like way into it. And other people had never played and I was in the never played camp and they said, well, Did you play tennis?

And I was like, well, no, not really. Like I hit a ball around, but I never like played tennis. And, um, I was like, well, I play ping pong and it’s kind of similar. And so I kind of like started in and, and they kept asking questions. I was like, Yeah, you know, I’m pretty, I’ve played sports and I’m, I’m pretty, you know, ready to go here.

But as I was playing, and actually after I was playing, I was thinking, um, you know, so I went into pickleball being like, yeah, I’ve played ping pong and I’ve played a teeny tiny bit of tennis a few times, and I understand the basic concept. But I realized, oh, I’ve played a ton of racquetball and I played a lot of squash.

Uh, probably in like junior high, high school. We played it a lot in gym and I really, really enjoyed it. And in college, um, I played racquetball, like we would do that for fun and. I forgot. I forgot that I was pretty good at squash and I was pretty good at racquetball, or at least I had played them decently enough to have some skills that would translate over to pickleball.

So for this lesson, I want you to think, is there something you’re trying to do, whether it’s a challenging thing, like something you’re struggling with, or a goal you have? What are some experiences and skills that you have that you might have forgotten about? It’s funny how our brain does this. It’s funny how my brain wasn’t like, oh yeah, I played a ton of racquetball.

I just like totally forgot that I did that cuz it, it’s been a while. I’ve been having babies and just being busy for a really long time and I haven’t played a lot of wreck at sports, but I had that in my back pocket and like my body remembered it, remembered how to hit the ball, remembered how to do a backhand and it, it smashed and all of that, but, Sometimes we forget.

And so I think reminding yourself maybe there is stuff that would help me out here that I might have already done that I haven’t thought of yet. The next lesson I learned is it’s okay to be obnoxiously, overconfident. And I, I thought a lot about what to call this tip, but I’m gonna keep obnoxiously overconfident because if you meet me, that’s not really the vibe I put off.

But when I play sports, uh, I do like to trash talk a little bit. I do like to win. I am super competitive, so whether it’s Scrabble or pickleball or like just pick up softball game, whatever it is, I like to win and I enjoy playing sports and I grew up in a little small town where sports were not. The thing, they were not huge.

We actually didn’t even have bleachers in our gym. Like nobody came to the basketball games or anything. But I loved playing and I, I always played sports, um, all throughout growing up and college and, and any chance I get, uh, I loved to do that. And so I went into pickle pickleball, just like trash talking a little with my friends and being like, oh yeah, like I.

I’m gonna kill it. I’m gonna do great. And, and uh, you know, cuz it was my first time and I said, yeah, it’s my first time, but I’m gonna do great at this and I’m gonna pick it up really quickly. And sometimes I think we really tell ourselves that we can’t be. Especially if it’s our first time doing something.

It’s something new, it’s something different. We’re like, who am I to be super confident? I need to be good first to be confident, but I don’t think that’s true. Notice how you feel when you think. Well, I have to get really good first before I can be confident. What if you’re just confident and think of someone in your life?

There are so many people that that really dive into things and are confident and they don’t know what they’re doing, but they’re willing to try and that is super powerful. So, Tip number two, lessons learned from pickleball. It’s okay to be obnoxiously, overconfident. I’m not saying be rude, but why not just have some fun and like believe in yourself?

It, it’s just way better than being nervous and I don’t dunno. All those things that we feel when we’re new at something. All right. Tip number three is your identity matters. Now, like I said, I grew up playing sports, so I have the thought that I am sporty or I am athletic, and I am a 42 year old mom. I don’t spend a lot of time playing sports anymore, but I love sports and I grew up kind of identifying as someone who is sporty and.

I could keep that as I tried a new sport that I’ve never played before. That was really, really helpful for me to just go into it saying like, this is gonna be fun and I’m totally gonna pick this up because I am sporty. Or I am athletic. And so I want you to ask yourself as you. Look at your goals, look at your struggles.

What are you trying to do next? Where you’re feeling a little bit stuck? What are you holding yourself back from? Cuz you’re scared. What if you just decided on purpose to believe that you are the kind of person that does that? You are the, you are sporty, you are smart, you are like all the things. Just believe in yourself and just choose to identify yourself that way, you can do that.

You don’t need any proof, and I promise that if you believe first, you will definitely show up the way you need to. The next tip number four is learn as you go. Now we just dove in. They took a couple of minutes kind of gathering people around. But like I said, at this party, there were people that had played a ton that were really, really good.

And there were a few of us that have never played. We were all mixed together, and so they just kind of gave the basics and. A pickleball does have some rules, and I’ve heard that if you play like seriously, there are some people that very much know the rules, but I just dove in with a little bit of knowledge, like you gotta serve into the opposite, you know, the kitty corner, um, box.

And you can’t, it has to go past this line. It has to stay within this line. You know how we take turns, how we rotate and. And really I knew enough to get started and then I just learned as I went. So if I hit, you’re not supposed to, you have to let the ball bounce the first time you serve it over and back.

That’s a rule. Well, if I hit it and it hadn’t bounced, then they would just say, Hey, like, you gotta let it bounce. And then I would learn, and next time I wouldn’t make that, um, decision. I would make a different decision. Or sometimes I would hold back and be like, oh no, it needs to bounce. And I was wrong and.

And we didn’t get the point. And it’s fine. I just learned as I went and I made mistakes. And then they would tell me the rule and I would get it. And I knew, and this is a thought I had going into pickleball, like I’m just gonna pick up the rules as I go along. As we play. It’s gonna be great. So how does this apply to your life?

Where are you thinking you need to know everything? Like where are you studying the pickleball rule book metaphorically. Before you get in the game, where are you stopping yourself? Where are you thinking you don’t know enough? This is a big one, and especially we live in the information age, and it can be a block because it’s so easy to feel like you’re doing something if you’re researching.

But researching isn’t taking action to some point. Yes. You wanna have a little bit of knowledge, like I knew I should wear, uh, running shoes. That would probably be helpful. Like I’ve heard that there’s some weird pickleball injuries you can get, and so I wanted to have good shoes and I wanted to wear shorts and, and all of that.

But other than that, I just jumped in and figured I’d learn as I go. And so I wanna encourage you. If you are sitting there and feeling like you don’t know enough to get in the game, just get in the game. You are going to learn along the way. Believe that that is true. Believe that you’re gonna figure it out as you go.

You do not need to know how yet. I promise you this is true. And I see so many people who are just frozen because they don’t think they know enough. You know enough. Just go for it. You’re gonna pick it up. And the last tip that I have is trying new things is fun if you let it be. Cuz again, our brain hates uncertainty.

It also doesn’t wanna look like. A fool in front of people. It doesn’t wanna fail in front of people. It doesn’t wanna let down the team. It doesn’t wanna be ostracized from the group, right? It wants to look together and, and successful and like, we know what we’re doing, but you know what? You can just have fun.

Doing something new and maybe you do look ridiculous and maybe you keep making the same mistake and maybe you missed the ball a million times. Or, my main thing was I kept hitting it so hard, like way too hard, and the pickleball court is really short, but we were on tennis courts and so it just, it was hard to get used to not hitting it very hard, and it was hard to get used to kind of working with a whiffle ball and.

And I hid it out just like a million times. But that was fun. It was totally fun. And I of course like get home and I’m like hopping on Amazon and seeing how much paddles cost and checking with my husband cuz he was back at the rest of the party. He, he didn’t come play pickleball. He was watching the kids and stuff and, and I was like, Talking to him about it and just wondering like, should I get some pickleball paddles and should I play it some more?

And, and just dive in. Cuz it was super duper fun. Like I really had a good time. And I think that’s why pickleball is so popular is cuz the. The, like, barriers to entry are pretty low. You don’t have to be super athletic, you don’t have to run a lot. Um, and it’s fun. Like it’s a really fun thing to do with friends or strangers.

So I want you again, look at where you’re stuck, look at what you wanna do and think about how could I make this fun? How could I make being new at this? Be fun and how can I just be willing to try it and be willing to just enjoy the newness, cuz you only get one first time. Like in this case, that’s the first time I ever played pickleball.

I’ll probably always remember it and you’ll only get one first time. So why not just jump right in. So I want to kind of wrap this episode up by, Uh, talking about how does this tie into grief? How does this tie into starting a business or writing a book, or writing a 5k, or whatever your goals are, whatever the new scary thing is in your life that you haven’t done before.

I want you to ask yourself these questions or go back through this. Right. It’s a short one. So go back through, listen again, um, answer the questions that I asked you, but I want you to even look at grief sometimes we say, well, I’ve. I’ve never done this before, or you’ve, you’re experiencing like your, another loss and we’ll tell ourselves like, I should know how to do this cause I’ve done it before, but you’ve never had this many losses.

You’ve never had this exact scenario in your life. And so it is something new that we need to jump into. And when I say make it fun and all of that, listen, we know that grief is not comfortable. I. But also you can still use all these lessons in grief. You can use all these lessons in pregnancy after loss.

I have so many people who are stuck not knowing if they should try again or if they can handle another loss. That’s why I wrote my ebook. Should I have another Baby After Loss? Uh, you can get that on my website. It’s only $9. So many people are buying that and using it to make this decision and. It seems really heavy unless you’re like, you know what?

I’m gonna answer these questions. Like, what do I have to pull from and how can I be just like obnoxiously overconfident in moving into another pregnancy? How do I identify myself? Like if I see myself as a mother, then how does that help me go into pregnancy after loss? And how can you be willing to make mistakes and learn as you go in pregnancy after loss?

You might have never had to advocate for yourself in this way before, but if you go into it saying, I’m gonna figure this out, and if anything happens I don’t like, I’m gonna learn from it and I’m gonna keep going. And then again, trying all these new things can be fun. How can that be true? I really want you to answer this question as you think about your, your struggle or your goal right now.

How has the past totally prepared me for this, and what have I learned that I can bring to the table? Now, you may not have done this exact thing. You may not have dealt with this exact person, or you may not have been successful in dealing with this problem in the past or reaching this goal in the past.

That doesn’t mean anything. Right. We’re just gonna take the good from the past and we’re gonna let the rest go. Right? Let go of all those fears, like I said, all those fears of I’m gonna look stupid. What are people gonna think of me? I’m gonna fail. I’m gonna look awkward. Like all of that could have held me back from playing pickleball.

And it held back a lot of people. There’s probably 200 people at that party, and there was like eight to 10 of us who played pickleball and. A lot of those people probably thought I’m too old, or I’m too young, or I’m not good at sports, or I, you know, I don’t wanna get sweaty, or I don’t, I don’t know how, I don’t know the rules or I don’t wanna get hurt.

Right. And none of them might have been very big, serious reasons. They’re holding themselves back, it’s not a big deal. And yet it still stopped them from having the awesome experience that I had and trying something new. And learning something and just moving my body and, and having fun with friends. I think it’s just so important, like as you listen to me and I promise if you are in like the really hard part of grief where everything is just hard and sad, or if you’re farther along, You deserve to enjoy trying new things.

You deserve to believe in yourself, and I believe in you so hard that, I mean, I hope you can hear it, but listen, you got this. You got skills you don’t even know about until you jump in there, get in the game and get playing, and it doesn’t even matter the outcome. The point is get in the ring, get in the game.

Do it like we have one life. I want you to live it even if your heart is broken, even if you’re unsure. That’s my message to you today. I hope you loved my lessons from pickleball and, uh, you know, I’m planning a retreat coming up hopefully soon-ish. Maybe we should add pickleball to the schedule. Let me know on Instagram if it’s your jam.

Uh, I really challenge you this week. Figure out where you’re holding yourself back and just, just stop. Just get in there. Go for it. I will see you next time. Are you tired of feeling like your baby’s death was somehow your fault? Go Tostones coaching and get my free mini course. How to stop blaming Yourself After Loss.