Does winter seem like it’s dragging on forever? What emotional winter are you feeling stuck in, where you’re not sure the sun the flowers and the birds are ever going to come back. In this episode I’m telling you how to build your hope in Spring, and also help you get to the relief you want faster with my secret weapon.
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Music by ZingDog on Pond5
Today’s episode is inspired by the weather outside. I don’t really, I’m not a huge fan of small talk or just talking about the weather in general, but where I live it is, we’re in the end of March and we got like a week of March left and it is a blizzard today and everyone, the funny thing is, We have been in a huge drought.
So I live in the western United States. We’ve been in a huge drought. People have been praying and praying and hoping for rain, um, snow, all the moisture, all the precipitation we can get so that we can fill our reservoir so we can stop, you know, so many like forest fires and all the things that come with just a really big drought.
and now we got it. We got the answer to our prayers. But there comes a point where people start thinking it should be spring by now. We’re ready for some warmth. We’re tired of shoveling. It’s been below freezing for a really long time and I grew up in Canada, so. The funny thing is when you live in Canada, you just expect it to be dark and cold and frozen until the end of March.
Uh, but if you don’t live in Canada, a lot of places do not expect that. And so I think that’s where some of this. Pain comes in, is just not being used to this much snow, this much cold, this much freezing temperatures and all the just kind of difficulties that come with that. And I wanted to talk about this of course, in relation to life after loss, into our grief.
The thing is, If I look around and I do, I see little buds coming on the trees. I see there’s a certain tree, I actually don’t know what it is, but it always is the first one that it sees like little bright green leaves on the very tips of its branches. It’s kind of a wispy tree and it has lots of little wispy, um, branches, and it always is the first one.
So when I see that, I know that spring is coming. and it gives a lot of hope. But when you’re in deep grief, whether it’s because your baby died, whether it’s because or you’re struggling because you are pregnant after loss and you just like don’t know when the part is, you get to actually enjoy this baby, um, or you’re going through like a relationship struggle or a work struggle or whatever it is, I want you to think about where are you, like emotion.
In winter. And what does that feel like? What is that experience like? And are you kind of losing hope that the spring is ever gonna come in? Spring, I think in this case, symbolizes just that relief. That absence of pain, of struggle, of the heaviness that comes, like I said, with having to get up and shovel in the morning and scrape off your car and like everything’s cold and frozen.
But yeah, so think about where are you in emotional winter? Where have you been feeling? Darker and colder in your life. Um, that’s what I wanna talk about. That’s what I want you to think about as you’re listening to this episode. And I want you to just take a breath and understand that what the message I want you to get here is that spring always comes.
We just don’t always know when. And the more we resist it, the more we. That we’re in winter, the more painful it is. So this is the funny part, like just noticing this in myself, in my family, in my friends, and everybody who’s just posting on social media, like, oh, it snowed again. We’re so frustrated. Right?
It’s just interesting. It’s part of being a human. We kind of always wanna get onto the next thing. We wanna always get out of pain. But I wanna encourage you wherever you are in this emotional winter, as we’re gonna keep calling it, I want you to notice the beauty of it though. Like is there beauty in the pain?
Can you sit in the cold? Can you sit in that crisp air? Can you look around and how the world sparkles when it’s covered in snow? Can. Find joy in like the little things, like a cup of warm cocoa or snuggling with your family. I have a rice bag that my friends sewed for me and it’s a Wonder Woman rice bag, and so it’s very like girl power and.
I pretty much sleep with it every single night, and I love it. Like it’s so nice to just crawl into my blankets and have my little rice bag that’s all warmed up in the microwave, and it’s a beautiful thing and I wouldn’t get to enjoy that if it was a hundred degrees outside. I’m not gonna be able to snuggle with my rice bag.
I’m gonna be like, Throwing off all the covers and turning up the air conditioning, right? So first thing we always wanna do is find beauty where we are, be present where we are and try like, it’s not always possible, but I wanna encourage you, right? Cuz that’s what I’m gonna do. I’m your life coach and I’m gonna encourage you to look at things a different way.
But can you find the joy and the beauty in the pain, in the hard stuff, in the cold? Like dark winter. Okay. Because if you can do that, it’s gonna make spring and summer and fall like so much more joyful because you’ve practiced that skill. Um, another interesting thing I wanted to point out is we’ve had this winter, like I said, we’ve been praying and praying for all this.
We want it. We want our mountains to be covered in snow, and yet, as soon as there’s a hint of spring, what are we worried about flooding? So now we’ve got a lot of people who are upset and worried, and. Unsure what’s gonna happen and how they’re gonna handle it. And, and it’s just like a lot of unknowns and a lot of fear.
So first of all, I want you to notice that this is normal human behavior. This is how our brains work, right? We really, really want something. And then when we get it, it’s like, oh, this actually kind of creates more problems. And I think this is just part of life on earth like, Maybe you wanna make more money in your business or you want more responsibility at work, or like you want a bigger family and you get it right.
You get those things that you hoped and prayed for. Well, those things bring challenges. Everything is 50 50, so spring is gonna be 50 50. Now some people. I was actually just coaching someone on this. They think that’s kind of depressing. Like if life’s always gonna be 50 50, what is the point of doing thought work?
What is the point of coaching yourself? What is the point of just living if it’s always gonna be half terrible? But what I wanna point out is when you’re not afraid of that, when you expect that it’s not gonna be as terrible, it’s not gonna feel as terrible. When you understand that your emotions are just vibrations in your.
it’s not a problem. And here’s the thing. If all this beautiful snow melts and comes down the mountain and floods some basements, we’re gonna deal with that, right? There’s not. It’s not really useful to sit and worry about it. Of course, we wanna prepare, right? We wanna get our sandbags and we wanna get our plan and we wanna, um, make sure our sump pump is working and we wanna do all the things that we can do to prepare to, you know, minimize any damage from any flooding.
But we also can just say, Hey, we’re gonna do our best to prepare, and then we’re just gonna let whatever happens. , like we don’t know. Um, so in our lives what that means is look at what you’re hoping for, right? You’ve probably got some something that you think like, if I just get past a year, if I just deliver this rainbow baby safely, if I just get this promotion, whatever it is.
Then my life will be good. It will be perfect, but that’s not true. Our life is always gonna be 50 50 and we’re just gonna prepare for whatever challenges are ahead, and we’re not going to worry about the rest because we’re gonna trust ourselves to deal with it. Right. Even if there’s a disaster. There’s a, a family in our town that, uh, a few, well, a while ago this year, um, their house burnt down while they were outta.
And they lost everything. Like everything. It was in the middle of the night and by the time anyone saw it, uh, it was too late. You know what? They weren’t worried about that before it happened. , they, you know, thought that everything would be fine, but there was an accident and their house burnt down. And you know what?
They just had to deal with it. And they were given so much support and love and everybody got together and gave them stuff, and they found a place to live. And, and they’re figuring out what to do, like to rebuild or to, to go somewhere else or what they’re gonna do. And it’s hard. I’m not gonna say it’s easy, but you know what?
They had everything they needed to. The best of that situation and to handle it. And you have everything you need to handle whatever life throws at you, whether it’s a really long winter or a big flood in the spring, like you’re gonna handle it. Trust yourself. Trust that you have everything you need to deal with any obstacles that come your way.
All right, so let’s talk about. You who are feeling really stuck and you can’t even believe in spring. You’re not seeing any buds, you’re not seeing any signs. You’re like sitting at the North Pole miserable. Uh, and it just feels like it’s never going to be warm. You’re never gonna feel that bright sun.
You’re never gonna see the flowers, you’re never gonna hear the birds. What I want you to. Is believe that spring will come when it’s supposed to. Now, I think that we can help ourselves get to spring a little bit sooner. And this is where the metaphor falls apart a little. Cuz we cannot control the weather, we cannot control our circumstances, but we can control us.
Right? So let’s say you’re really tired of being cold and you’re tired of sitting at the North Pole. Well what if you start walking south? It would be hard. It would be challeng. , there would be obstacles, but you’re gonna get to warmth a lot faster if you start walking, right? And that’s what I wanna help you do with coaching.
But I also wanna be the person who’s gonna come and meet you at the North Pole. And I’m gonna say, guess what, friend? There’s this place called Florida. There’s islands in the Caribbean, right? There’s Hawaii, there’s beautiful places with sun, and fruits and vegetables and flowers. And I’m gonna show you how to get there, but you gotta believe in it.
But if you are sitting there and you’re just waiting, just know spring always comes and it comes when it’s supposed to, right? This goes back to resisting. When we judge ourselves in our grief, when we judge ourselves, cuz things are hard. When we hate that, it’s hard. It just makes it harder. It just makes it worse.
So if we can have hope and just say, I know that this isn’t going to last forever. I absolutely believe that grief gets better. It does. It lifts. It’s not as heavy. You’re going to have a great life. And here’s another thing I want you to know, that sometimes you think you’ve been buried when it feels really dark and you feel lost.
So, You think you’ve been buried when you’ve actually been plant. , sometimes we gotta be taken out of our idyllic life that we had before we knew loss and we’re put in this new place. And it seems really hard, but that’s where we need it to be so that we can grow. I know that’s kind of a cliche. It’s like, um, you know, it’s a saying.
I actually love that. because I think it gives us hope. It gives us hope that like we’re still living, we’re just in a place we don’t understand, but we’re gonna grow through it. We just needed to be in that deep, dark soil so that we could push up and get strong. Um, I was just listening to someone talking about tulips and how they, they need to grow up through the soil and through the hard, hard ground.
And so that their stem is strong so that the flower can be supported so that they can grow and be one of those first flowers of the spring. And I also wanted to talk about daffodils. Daffodils are the birth flower of March, and they mean a lot to me because Lauren was born in March and actually we have a ton of birthdays in our family that are in March.
And I always loved daffodils. And we had a flower garden that we planted after Lauren passed away because we were not close to her grave. And so we decided to do a flower garden, which I think is a beautiful thing to do. But we planted a lot of daffodils and I was researching online and there’s like, uh, so many types of daffodils.
I didn’t know that. But we put all these daffodils because they. One of the first flowers that come up and then they’re really sturdy and tough and they, they come up through the hard ground. They even come up through the snow. You can actually plant them in your grass if you want. There’s certain types of little daffodils and crocus and things that you can plant in your lawn.
Um, and they’ll come up and then they’ll be done blooming by the time you wanna like mow the lawn for the summer. But I looked it up and daffodil. Symbolize new beginnings and rebirth. And if you’re a Christian, I think this time of year when the daffodils are coming up right, it can be a symbol of Jesus Christ and his rebirth, his resurrection, um, and how he did go through the worst thing and died for three days and then came back to life.
And. Really served his mission on Earth. And so when I think of a daffodil, I think of Lauren, but I think of new beginnings and rebirth and that’s what I want you to think of If you are wondering if Spring is ever going to come. I want you to know it will. It’s coming. If you want to get there a little bit faster, I highly encourage you to go in the show notes and sign up for a connection call where I can tell you all about my three month coaching program.
It is one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. I absolutely believe that with the right kind of support, you are going to start seeing those little leaves and those little buds and those hints of sun coming into your life so much faster than you even believed possible, right? I’m gonna help you find that spring.
I’m gonna help you cultivate what you want. This is a rebirth, right? Life after loss. We know we’re not the. It’s a rebirth. We gotta like retrain ourselves. We gotta learn how to deal with this kind of life and not just deal with it, but learn how to thrive in this life. We gotta make goals. Maybe you’ve been in a lull, like you have some big goals, but you’ve felt really stuck or you felt like you’re just not getting anywhere and you’re not sure why.
That’s what I’m here for. I wanna help you hit your goals. Whether it’s just finding hope in your grief or whether you’ve got big things that you want to do, and I know that you do big decisions to make you are so important. You are so amazing. You are like that little daffodil bulb and I wanna help grow and fertilize and help you become who you.
Because you are beautiful and you are magic, and you are hope, and I have so much hope for you. I hope that comes through every week when I talk to you. Just I want you to know that spring always, always, always comes, and the more tools we have, the more we learn, the better we take care of ourselves. Just the more beautiful of a life we’re gonna have, and we’re gonna get to enjoy all the seasons of our lives.
And it’s just, it’s my favorite. So that’s what I have for you. I want you to really look for hope this week. That’s my challenge. Where is the hope? Where are the signs that you are doing? Things that you can celebrate, even the smallest of things. Celebrate it, find joy in it, find hope in it. Look around and see examples of what is possible.
And I just love being an example for you. . I have babies that died 10 years ago and seven years ago. I love my life and I have lots of challenges. Uh, life is 50 50, but getting to have these tools, getting to manage my mind, getting to use the self-coaching model, getting to learn about my nervous system and about trauma, and learning how to take care of.
Makes it so much more beautiful and it helps me on days where there’s a blizzard and all I want is to be able to go for a walk outside instead of, you know, being in the basement on my treadmill. I am just waiting for that spring, but I know it’s gonna come and so I’m gonna enjoy my hot cocoa today and I’ll raise my glass to you.
Take care of yourself. I love you. I’ll see you next time. Are you tired of feeling like your baby step was somehow your fault? Go to Smooth Stones coaching.com and get my free mini course. How to Stop Blaming Yourself After Loss.