Do you feel lucky? Well, do ya?
A lot of loss moms feel like they are unlucky, and that the universe has been stacked against them.
On this day where we celebrate good luck, I have a podcast episode to show you how you can turn your luck around.
And it doesn’t require chasing any rainbows.
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Music by ZingDog on Pond5
You guys. I totally started my podcast and talked for like five minutes and I hadn’t hit record. And I love when that happens. It’s the best. Even with all my imperfections. I love talking to you on this podcast and I love talking to you in person and I have something really special. I got to tell you about. On Monday, March 21st, I am doing a class and it is free. And it is all about how to find yourself after loss. I know that it feels like you’re broken into a million pieces, and even if it’s been a while, since your baby died,
It can be hard to just feel like you’ve put all those things back together that you feel whole and confident. And. I want to help you with that. Because it can feel a lot. Like you just don’t have an anchor you’re floating around in life and you’re just not sure where to go. And you used to know, you used to have a direction, you used to know what was happening and what you wanted. And.
And believed in your future and now it’s harder. I understand that. And I want to give you relief relief from the pain relief from feeling stuck. And. Feeling like all these things have gone wrong for you. I want to show you how to be confident in your life after loss. I want to show you. That you do have direction.
And how to do that. So please come. If you can’t come on Monday. I want you to sign up anyways register and I will send you the replay.
This is a webinar style. So that means you’re not on camera, but it is interactive. So if you can come live, please come live, give yourself an hour. You deserve it. Come alive. Bring all your questions. I’m going to ask you questions. We’re going to go back and forth. And at the end of it, you are going to feel just so much.
Confidence and hope for the future. And for your life. It is going to be. So good. So go to smooth stones, coaching.com forward slash free dash class. Or if you follow me on Instagram, it’s right there in my bio. It’s at Amy dot Smith. Zone’s coaching. In my bio, it’ll say, come to the free class. You pick the time that works best for you.
And I will see you there. And tell your friends, bring a friend. It. It’s going to be so good. Okay, let’s talk about today’s topic, which. You know, it’s St. Patrick’s day, it’s March 17th. And I was planning out my podcasts and notice that this podcast was going to fall right on the days. So I thought.
We got to talk about being lucky, because this is a day where we do talk about luck. And four leaf clovers and rainbows and pots of gold. And I know sometimes it can be hard, especially because the rainbow is a term. We use a lot in the loss community and some of us feel like we didn’t get our rainbow or we haven’t gotten it yet.
And. And that’s okay, because I want to talk to you about. Luck and feeling lucky and how this plays into your life, how it can make your life so much better. If we actually believe in some luck. Now I was thinking. I’ve done a few giveaways on my Instagram and you’ve got to follow me if you’re not.
But. Anyone who wins? They always say, oh my goodness, I never went anything. Have you seen this, or even if you watch like shows where they give people prizes or. Whatever people always say, I never win anything. This is the first time I’ve won.
And I think. That’s because our brain just thinks it’s so rare and you might have. One before, but in the moment you’re like, wow, this never happens to me. We’re kind of wired. For bad luck. Right. We’re wired to notice all the problems that is our brains job on default, because looking for problems kept us alive.
Throughout history, right? Right. We got to notice a problem and solve it so that we can stay alive so we can keep our family going so we can get food. All of these things. And so we need to sometimes. I
notice that. That Andy. And be really intentional if we want to feel lucky. Lucky. So I want to ask you a question. When you tell your life story.
Including your loss. How do you tell it? Is it a whole. A bunch of bad things that happened. And to you.
Or can you turn. Turn it around. Can you. Actually notice how you were lucky. Can you tell your story in a way where. Everything fell into place or maybe not everything, but some things. Now. When river passed away and river is a baby. I miss. Miscarried at 14. Weeks, but it was a missed miscarriage.
Scared. So I went to a 14. The week appointment. There was no heartbeat. My husband was out of town. So. So, again, this is something. Where it’s like, wow, of course. That’s not very lucky. Right. I can. Tell the story that way. He was actually on the other side of the country. And. I found out, I had to tell.
The kids by myself. And we plan to have surgery. When my husband got back. So he kind of like flew in. And early, early in the morning, next morning. We were going to go have surgery during that surgery. I ended up losing a lot of blood. I hemorrhaged and got some blood transfusions. I woke up looking at the ceiling.
Being wheeled into the hospital. Little from the little surgery center. Where my doctor had said, oh, this will take 20 minutes. We’ll be out in no time. You’ll be headed home for breakfast. But it was just like in the movies where I was looking. At the lights on the ceiling and they’re telling me.
Amy. This is what happened. Um, we’re taking you to the hospital and there was kind of a whole cascade of events at that time in my life. And we also had recently moved. We had. Some really tough real estate things going on. And it was really. Easy to see. That this was just a big pile of bad luck.
Right. Like everything had gone wrong. And we went on to have the lab mixed up. Like they had the sample. Or whatever you want. And my baby. But, , there was a mix up. I could not get any answers. I didn’t get a gender. This whole story is really easy to say. It was all bad luck.
But the funny thing is when we were thinking of naming this baby, who we did not know the gender. I thought, why not name the baby? Lucky, because it would just be like, A fun little nickname and. It just was such a mess. Mess that I thought, why not name the baby? Lucky. Maybe that will help me. You know,
Just deal with everything that was coming at me.
And we didn’t end up doing that. My kids did not vote for that. We had had voted. , but. You know, I remember even at that time and I did not have coaching in my life, but I remember thinking like, this is so crazy and feel so dark and heavy. Like maybe I just need to lighten it up and believe that this baby is so lucky.
Right. They, they lived a short life, but it mattered. And we’re lucky that we got to have that baby for a short time. And I thought maybe that would put a different spin on it. And so I want you to look at your life and your story and say, how could I put a little different spin on it? How could I even.
Open up to the possibility. That I am lucky, even in all the things that I’ve gone through. And I think that my mentor Brooke is CEO would not like the concept of. Of luck. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I’m guessing. Because it takes the power away from us and gives it up to chance. Like when you look up luck in the dictionary, that’s what it said. It’s basically not anything you do.
It’s just chance. But I see luck differently because I know how awful it is. To think you are unlucky. It feels really bad.
So much so that. Your babies have died, right? You’re so unlucky. Unlucky that your babies have died and you’ve lost so much. There’s so many collateral losses. It feels like a cosmic right off of your life and your plans and your dreams. So I think it can be really helpful for us to believe in luck again.
But maybe in a little different way than complete chance.
Now there’s a quote. That I actually love. And. I believe in, but also. Also, I want to, take it apart a little bit, and that is the harder you work. The luckier you get. Now I do believe this can be true. Right when we want something. We can’t just hope for it. We kinda gotta do something. I remember as a teenager, I was at a camp and we were.
We just had some time. And I was sitting there in a Cloverfield, like the grass had a ton of Clover and I thought, I want to find a four leaf Clover. And I just started looking and looking and looking and looking, and I actually found one. You guys. I found a four leaf Clover. I was over in Switzerland visiting my dad. That’s where he lives.
And he sent. And us off to this camp. And I just decided, I want to find a four leaf Clover. And I put in the work and I found it. Right. And sometimes you have to dig through thousands and thousands and thousands of three leaf clovers to find. Find a four leaf Clover. But I do think you’re much more.
More likely. To find the four-leaf Clover. If you work. For it. Right. I think that’s true now. It’s also true that you could just walk around and look down and poof one is right in front of you. But. I think it’s more likely that. If you work towards something you want. You are going to get it. So if that works for you, if that helps you, if you want to leave the harder you work, the luckier you get.
Then use it. If that gives you a feeling of motivation. And confidence than use it., but it. Also brings up that part of us that believes you have to hustle to get good things. . A lot of us believe this because it is ingrained into us. And it gets really easy to burn out because you think that it’s the, a line of your model that gets result. Now the a line, if you’re new, here is the action line in our self coaching model. We have circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.
And our action line. We also call the a line. But.
A line is not. Not what gives us our results. It’s always our. Thoughts. They create our results because they create how we feel. How we feel. Drives how we act. If you think you are unlucky, you’re going to feel. Uh, hopeless or how else do you feel? And I’m sure some of you listening. This is true right now. You’re just like, what is happening in my life? Everything is going wrong. I am so unlucky.
How does it feel? How does it feel in your body? What would you call it? What would you call the emotion that is. Overriding your life right now.
When you feel hopeless, it doesn’t really matter how much effort you put in. You’re going to prove your thought. True. Right. When you believe you’re unlucky, you’re going to prove that true. You are giving your brain, the job of looking for all the ways you aren’t lucky. And it is good at it. Now you might, by sheer chance get some wins. Of course.
But it’s going to be really easy to write them off because you believe you’re not lucky. So you never get what you actually want. But what we all want is to feel good about ourselves and our lives. On the flip side, if you can align what you’re doing with believing in yourself, you are going to start seeing wins happen.
They may be small. They may be slower than you want, but they are going to snowball.
What if getting what you want is easy. What if it is fun? What if it always works out for you? What are the odds are ever in your favor? Most of us listening have been on the side of odds. We didn’t like. Maybe what happened to you is more rare than getting hit by lightning. So it’s hard to believe you’re going to beat the odds. I know people like that. I know people whose doctors have said.
Lightning doesn’t strike twice and you know what it did.
But you can believe that you’re going to beat the odds. You don’t need any evidence. You can just decide today to start feeling lucky. By believing that good things are just waiting for you What would be different if you could believe that What decisions would you make what would you allow yourself to dream about Something i love working on with my clients is big impossible dreams Because as women we’re not really taught to dream big shirt We tell children you can be anything you want But overall most people expect to live a pretty mundane life clocking in clocking out sacrificing for your family and just doing a lot of laundry to be honest which actually can be beautiful if you decide that you’re lucky to have it i think many of us right now seeing the devastation in ukraine are probably feeling very lucky to have a simple life without bombs raining down on us I want to ask you though if you were feeling lucky if i had a magic wand and told you That your biggest dream it was guaranteed That whatever you decided to do it was going to happen for sure What would you do Even if the whole world and everyone you love was telling you it’s impossible but you believed what i told you. How would you show up to your life You can believe this for yourself you can set big impossible goals you have no business setting You know why Because it’s fun. it’s fun to feel lucky and have something to look forward to But it’s even better to know that the person you become as you pursue these goals is where the real magic happens Believe in some magic believe the universe has a bag of pixie dust just waiting for you to think of a happy thing So you can fly You can fly And that is my deepest wish for you I’ve been reworking my coaching program and thinking What do these last moms really really need what do they need to know? And what i came up with is that you need to know that you can absolutely find yourself again after loss. It sometimes seems impossible but it isn’t And look you are so lucky because you found this podcast you found me. And i believe in you so much When you were ready to start believing in yourself Even if you have no idea how come work with me You’ll feel so much lighter and more confident in yourself and in your future Luck is all around you you just have to choose to see it Luck doesn’t just happen by chance Like we think luck is everywhere blessings are everywhere If you believe in god i believe that he is just waiting to bless us all the time All we need to do is ask and seek and believe And sometimes you don’t have to do any of those things I know that some of you are in a season that seems like relentless bad luck The saying when it rains it pours was created for a reason I know how hard that can be and i still believe that you can see the good and the tender mercies that are over your life. It won’t always be this way Make sure to find ways to recharge your draining batteries Life can still be good when it’s a downpour with no rainbow insight And i want you to know that there’s hoping for the future and hoping good things come in the future and then there’s right now today which is all we have Can you dance in the rain St patrick’s day was lauren’s due date she was our lucky baby and she still is I’m so lucky i got to have her i’m so lucky i get to have this life where I get to help grieving moms who are incredible i get to help them see how strong and good and smart and brave they are I get to help them stop being afraid of grief I am the luckiest person on the planet And so are you My challenge for you this week is to create the feeling of luck and confidence by believing Good things are not just coming your way someday But they are here now Have a wonderful day I’ll see you next time