Hey guys, how are you? We made it. We did it. We did the holidays. We did New Year’s. We’re into 2020 and I am feeling really good about it. I have started a few goals. I’m still working on a few other ones, but I’m definitely not pressuring myself. I’ve taken a little bit of a break from work over the holiday.

It’s been. Over a year and a half that I’ve been starting my business and it’s kind of always on my mind ’cause I just love it so much. But I also really wanted to focus on my family and all of that, and things went really well. So I hope you had a good break and you’re ready to jump into this new year and just ready to shake off 2019.

And if it was tough for you, And if it was awesome for you, then I hope you’re ready to even do more this year now. Last week we talked about how we don’t need to make goals, and we definitely don’t wanna make goals from a place of lack or from a place of not liking ourselves. So hopefully you are able to find some reasons that you really do like as you make goals.

I am a life coach and helping my clients with their goals is one of. My most favorite things to do. I love talking them through it. I love helping them get there, and I love seeing them achieve their goals and even surpass their goals. So if you’ve got something you’re working on this year, I would love to help you.

It’s just. So beneficial to have someone just reflecting back to you and giving you some steps and some ideas and keeping you accountable as you work towards that goal. Definitely reach out to me if you’re interested in that. I have my free mini sessions on my website on the Work with Me page, or you can always dmm me Amy dot Smooth Stones Coaching.

With an S, smooth Stones. So we’re gonna talk some more about goals and not just making goals, but the doable steps to achieving them. ’cause sometimes there’s a disconnect, right? Between what we wanna do and how we’re gonna get there. And I really love this method because it cuts out the part where our brain stops us from getting what we want now.

This is what our brain is supposed to do, right? That part of our brain that wants us to stay warm and comfortable and safe and not expend a ton of energy, that’s that primitive brain that is always there and we love it. We don’t judge it, but. We don’t always listen to it, and we also wanna do things that might be a challenge for us, right?

There’s this part of us that longs to create and to grow and to push ourselves just to see what we can accomplish. So if you’re feeling that tug in a big way, or even in just a small way, this episode is for you. Here’s what usually happens. We have a goal in mind, but we get bogged down in the how of it all.

We get stuck in the things we don’t know and the reasons why we can’t do it. And then we do that thing that we talked about with the buffering. We trade what feels good in the moment for what will feel best in the long run. For example, if you wanna run a race, maybe you wanna do a five K or. A marathon or an Ironman, who knows?

You guys are amazing out there. You know the long-term benefits, and you are dedicated to that goal and the training. But when your alarm goes off at 5:00 AM and it’s cold and it’s dark, and staying in bed just seems like such a better plan. Then you trade what feels good, right? That warm cozy blanket and pillow for the true joy of accomplishing your goal and all the mental and physical health benefits that would go along with it.

And then others of you are go-getters your. Busy. You’re doers, you’re always working, but still not getting to your true goal because all the other things get in the way. We also call this the hustle, right? It’s like more time, more energy. We’re hustling. We’re hustling, but we’re just. Not really getting where we actually want to be.

We’re just staying busy. So no matter what keeps you from your big dream, this method is gonna be so helpful for you. The first thing we wanna do is identify your goal, and if you’re familiar with the model, we’re going to use that today. But we’re gonna use it upside down or backwards. If you’re not familiar with the model, go back to episode seven where I talk all about it and that will explain it.

But it’s the model created by Brooke Castillo. It has five line circumstance, thought, feeling, action, and result, and you can put anything you want in the result line. This is where you put your goal. And remember, it has to be your goal. That’s about your results. We want to make it measurable, and what that means is we really need to be specific, and if we can put a deadline on it, that is also really helpful.

So instead of saying, I wanna lose weight or I wanna be healthier, we would say, I’m gonna lose 20 pounds by the 4th of July. Right, and that’s way more specific. Or if you have a business goal and you want to sell a certain amount of products, you would say, I’m gonna sell a hundred products by December, 2020.

Whatever it is, make it measurable, specific, and give it a deadline. Okay? So we’ve got our goal. Then what actions would you need to take to get that result? And this is where you really need to fill out what are all the things you need to do to get there? And just take a minute and write down all those things and kind of make, it’s kind of like a to-do list, but just all the things you need to do to get there.

And then what would you need to feel. To take those actions. So that’s the next line in the model is that emotion, emotions always drive our actions. So what would you need to feel in order to do all the things you just listed now? Be really careful on this one. A lot of times we think the emotion that we want is motivated, right?

We think motivation sort of happens to us like on January 1st, we’re all. Pretty motivated, but motivation doesn’t always get us there. When things get tough and if you’ve got a good goal in mind, it’s probably gonna get tough at some point. We’ve all had that start strong and then lose motivation.

Experience right now. I would never say that you can lose motivation because I know that my motivation always comes from my thoughts, but we definitely lose. Those thoughts that were keeping us motivated. And so I like to use committed as an emotion because committed means we do it whether we want to or not.

Committed means we stick to our goals. Committed means we do what we need to do no matter what, but of course, you gotta pick an emotion that works for you, that’s your own, that feels right. And motivated works really good if you choose purposefully to create that feeling. So the next step in the model is finding that thought that causes you to feel the feeling you picked, and make sure this thought is something that you believe this is gonna be your why and when we have a compelling why, it’s so much easier to stick to our goals no matter what comes up for us.

Okay. And then the last line of the model is our circumstance, which can just be you or your goal in a neutral way. Keep it simple and factual, and that is your circumstance. I’m gonna give you an example that I was working on this last summer, and it’s interesting to look back and go over it and see. The goal that I had and the model that I had and where I am now, I wanted my result to be, I would record 10 podcast episodes and publish episode one on October 11th, 2019.

Now, I picked that because number one, I wanted to have a whole bunch of episodes ready to release so that. I could just record them all in the summer and then I could release them throughout kind of Halloween and the holidays, and it would be totally simple, which I have to say I did not do that, and that’s okay.

And the reason I chose October 11th was because it was the Thursday before pregnancy and infant loss Remembrance day, and I knew that I wanted that deadline to be there. Because this whole podcast is for you guys, and October is such a special month for us that I knew that’s when I needed to do it, and it gave me enough time where I felt like it was doable, but it also gave me a little bit of pressure, were I really needed to be done that day.

Okay? So the things I had to do, I had to get a microphone. I didn’t have a microphone. I needed to write outlines and block out time to work on the podcast. I had to research how to edit and publish podcasts, right? Because I never did this before. I had to sign up for a podcast host and create a page on my website, and then actually record podcasts, edit them, and publish them.

I chose the feeling of committed for the reasons I told you before. It just is a really helpful feeling for me and the thought that I chose. Is a podcast is such a great way to help my baby lost Mamas. Like I said, this is where you can put your compelling why if you have one, if you’re wanting to serve other people, if you, you have a reason why you want to do this goal, this is a great place to put it.

You can always come back to that. It needs to be something you can come back to when things are difficult. For me, as I was deciding whether to move ahead with this podcast, I felt like posting on Instagram and writing blogs were awesome and I was able to reach people and help them, but I also just felt like being able to use this platform to be able to talk to you, for you to allow me into your home, into your life, into your cars, that you could hear how much I care about you, and I could.

Have these episodes here forever, as long as I guess podcasts exists. Oh. So anybody could go back to them and find them whenever and it would be able to help them. So that was my why in all of it. And so my circumstance was just podcast, right? I just wanted to start a podcast and then I filled everything out.

Now after you have this model, We wanna go back to that action line. Okay. So this model is called an intentional model, and you can do this on anything you want. It can be on relationships, it can be on issues. You have parenting, stuff, like really anything. And if you don’t believe me, sign up for a free session and I will show you how.

In this case, with our goals, the next thing we wanna do is. Take all those actions and break them down. We wanna be really specific and create things we call do goals, which is kind of like a task list. Let’s say you had a goal to save more money. That was your goal. Now we need to make it more specific, but say you wanted to save $5,000 this year.

And one of your action lines was creating a budget. Well, how can you break that down more? Because when we say create a budget, it just, it’s not really doable. So how can you break it down, like open an Excel spreadsheet or research apps, get in your bank account, write out all the things you are doing.

There’s so many little steps that can go inside of creating a budget. Does that make sense? In my example, if I am even going to record a podcast, well, I have to read the outline into the microphone. I have to make sure I have a quiet background. I have to make sure I block out time. Those are some of the steps that are gonna get me to actually recording a podcast.

Now that you have this list, this is where you’re gonna start looking for. Obstacles and for each test that you have, let your brain come up with reasons why this won’t work and why you cannot do this. Now we wanna do it deliberately and we wanna do it ahead of time. I am in a lot of podcasting groups online.

I have friends who podcast and different people I’ve met and. There is a lot of indecision. Now, if you love podcasts and you’re listening to this and maybe you even thought of starting your own, or you have your own and you wanna grow it, there’s so many different things. But what I see every day is people getting stuck in what microphone do I need?

What? Software should I use? What do I do when I have a Mac and I wanna do this, or I don’t have a Mac and everybody else has a Mac? And what should I title my podcast? What? I don’t know any of it. Right. How do I get the best quality audio? And they sit there and spin in all of these obstacles. And if you have a goal, this can happen to you too, right?

We start to come up with all of these things. Our brain is gonna do it naturally. And that’s what’s gonna stop us. And that’s why we want to address these obstacles right at the beginning so they don’t have power over us. And again, this is one of my favorite things to do because a lot of times we cannot even see.

What’s going on in our brain and what our beliefs are, and the things that just stop us without us even noticing. So that’s a really fun part of coaching for me anyways, and really helpful for my clients. We put these out on paper. We take each task and say what is going to stop me? Some of mine about recording the podcast here is just brain dump.

It’s never quiet here. If you guys don’t remember, I have six kids and the little ones are up early in the morning and the big ones are up late at night, and I think it’s never quiet. Or I’m gonna mess up and I’m gonna have to start over, or I’m gonna take forever to edit. I don’t have time to do this.

I’m already so busy. Why would I add this on top of it? Or someone’s always interrupting me. I think as moms, this is a huge one, right? We always have interruptions. We, we have all these beliefs, like I don’t have time. I can’t do anything for myself. There’s too many things. There’s too many people that need me.

There’s no way I can do this thing. These obstacles can also just be the thoughts we have about ourselves, and this is really helpful to bring up and write down too. Like I’m not the kind of person who would ever run a marathon. I’ve never done it before. Right? That’s an obstacle that your brain is gonna throw to you all the time.

I’ve never done it before. Therefore, why even bother? Or maybe I’m gonna fail. So why try bringing up all of those things ahead of time is so powerful? And again, we don’t wanna judge any of that. We, we wanna know that that is our brain doing exactly what it’s supposed to. But look at a all that it can create.

It’s so amazing, but you don’t have to listen to it. So for each obstacle, choose a strategy that will help overcome it. Remember that you have all the answers. Lean into your own wisdom. Instead of over researching or always asking people for advice or looking for help. Remember, you can totally figure out anything you need to do and you can trust your gut, right?

You know what you need to do. Just make a decision and move on. And then another really important thing to remember is if you have feelings as obstacles, like you’re scared or you’re nervous, just remember that being uncomfortable is the currency to our dreams. It’s for sure gonna get uncomfortable along the way.

You for sure are gonna fail. Just expect it. In fact, look forward to it. Don’t judge yourself. Just keep going. Be willing to feel any emotion and be willing to be terrible at first. Don’t let it stop you. Okay? And the last step is to actually put your tasks on the calendar. So when you’ve broken into those little do goals, put ’em on the calendar.

If it’s something you’re not sure how long it’s gonna take, then you need to decide. Give yourself a certain amount of time and then make a choice and move forward. So if I was gonna pick a microphone, instead of just researching and Googling and asking forever, which I have seen a lot of people do, I just say, you know what, by the end of today, I’m gonna get on Amazon and I’m gonna order the microphone.

That’s it. And you stick to what you decided. And the other part of that is you finish your task even if it isn’t perfect. So if you are writing a blog post and you just, sometimes we get stuck in that perfectionism and we want it to be just exactly right or we can’t get it just the way we want. At some point, you gotta give yourself a deadline and just say, no, I have a goal that I’m gonna write a blog post every single week.

And messing around with this one isn’t worth it. And you just do it because you’re committed and that’s your goal. And it’s time to press publish. So I’m gonna go back down these steps. Remember the first one is work that model backwards. Choose a result you want, make it measurable with a deadline, and then go through each step of the model.

Create that thought and feeling that is gonna drive you through all of it, and then go back into your action line and break down each task into smaller. Do goals, very specific little goals, and then take that list and identify obstacles. Come up with all the reasons why you’re not gonna be able to do them, or things that might stop you or things that might slow you down.

And then you’re going to create strategies to overcome those obstacles, and we are using our prefrontal cortex, our higher brain, to really overcome that lower brain that’s gonna kick in with all the excuses of why we cannot reach our goals. Then we are going to schedule these tasks. We often are very, very reliable when it comes to keeping commitments to our friends, to our boss.

We would never miss an appointment with our hairstylist, but a lot of times we do not keep the appointments we make with ourselves. You are the c e o of your own life. You wouldn’t make excuses or flake out on these other people, so don’t do it to you. Remember, you love you. You’re amazing, and you are worth working towards these goals.

Now, I know this might look like a lot of work, but. It is incredible. Don’t be afraid to jump in and try it. Make those decisions ahead of time, and then getting outta bed on that cold morning might not get easier, but you’re gonna find a way to do it because you have your thought and your feeling to keep you going even when you don’t want to.

If you mess up and you miss a day or whatever, you know that it’s okay. You still keep going. You don’t judge yourself. And then you get to smash your goal, and that is so much fun. But the journey of getting there and the work of doing this process is also just so valuable. And I would love, did I mention this a couple of times?

I love helping people set goals, and I don’t have that many spots. I have a pretty busy schedule. So if you are thinking, you know what, I have a. Business goal or a personal goal, or there’s something I really wanna do. Just, like I said, reach out to me or sign up for a free session. We’ll see if it’s a good fit and we can talk through this.

There’s really nothing like having a coach to help you sort out your own brain and help you get outta your own way so that you can do things that maybe you couldn’t have even imagined, and it’s not always easy. But that’s how we grow, right? I just love seeing all the incredible things you are doing, and even if it’s just getting outta bed and showering for you right now, that’s your goal.

Awesome. If you’re doing big things and you’re helping lots of other moms with the charity, or you’re doing big things in your business, I just love seeing it, so definitely share it with me. Hop over on Instagram. Let me know what you’re up to and what I can help you with, and we will talk to you next week.

Have an awesome day.