We are in the season of setting goals as we head into 2020, but a lot of us set them from a place of dissatisfaction with ourselves and our lives.
Today we are talking about switching that around and loving ourselves first, and then finding better reasons to set goals.
We talk a bit about Mister Rogers and his influence, especially when it comes to being kind and liking people the way they are, especially ourselves.
I hope you enjoy!
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Music by Zingdog on Pond5
Welcome to episode 13. I used to love the number 13. I was kind of the opposite of superstitious about it, even though I did grow up with a lot of superstitions, but I used to love 13. It was my number in sports for a long time, and. I wasn’t afraid of it until I had my D N C with River on Friday the 13th, and looking back, maybe that wasn’t the best day to do it because things went a little sideways and it was pretty scary there for a while.
So I’m not sure I have made friends with the number 13 again, but I think we have a great topic today to help me with that. So what about you? Are you superstitious? Do you love the 13? Or do you kind of avoid it? I wanted to remind you guys that if you wanna share your baby on the podcast, will you please go in the show notes and you can find a link on how to share a little story about your baby’s life.
It’s one of my favorite parts of the podcast, and I know it’s been busy with the holidays, so. If you’ve been thinking about sending in your story, I’d love to hear from you. It doesn’t have to be super long. Just a place where you can share your baby’s life and little details about them that make you smile.
And no matter how long your baby was with us. Just let us know about them. Let’s talk about our topic for the day, which is, you are perfect just the way you are. Now, stay with me because I know the word perfect right now sometimes has actually a negative connotation or it seems unattainable and not something we should try to be right.
Perfectionism can be a huge problem for a lot of people. But when I say perfect, I mean that you are whole and you are worthy just the way you are. So I recently watched the movie, A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood, which is a story of a writer who has a lot of demons and he meets Mr. Rogers and becomes really intrigued with him.
And I think what drew him to Fred was how loving and kind he was. Which was kind of the polar opposite of the reporter who was really cynical and critical and jaded. Now, if you haven’t seen this, I totally recommend it. It was a really. Slow kind of quiet movie, but I really love the feeling I came away with after watching it.
I wanted to be much more loving towards the people around me as I left the theater. And I wish there could be more like Mr. Rogers, which don’t we all, but if you have watched Mr. Rogers in the past or if you watched Daniel Tiger Now, which. Hi. I have a two-year-old and a five-year-old, so I definitely watch a lot of Daniel Tiger.
But out of a lot of the kids shows, he’s definitely one of the best. Um, you know this song, he says It’s you. I like, it’s not the clothes you wear, it’s not the way you do your hair, it’s you. I like, now I’m not gonna sing it for you, but that’s the message that. Daniel Tiger and Mr. Rogers always wanted to get across and we get so caught up in the outward stuff, right?
Our bodies, our homes, our jobs, our families. We have lots of ideas about how these things should look and how the people in our lives should behave, especially our children. And of course, it’s our job to make this all happen. So this vision of how things should be, it’s definitely our job as the mom to make sure that happens.
And if it’s not happening, it’s really easy to blame ourselves for that. And we sometimes forget to just like ourselves, right? So anything I’m talking about today, even if it’s about other people, I want you to turn it back on yourself. So we are entering a season of setting goals and I am all for it, a clean new slate.
I just bought a brand new calendar. I finally found this perfect calendar that I love that is easy to write on, lots of space. Really cute, really minimal. I have it up on my wall. The last few years, I definitely need to write everything down on my calendar or it just doesn’t happen. So I’ve got this blank calendar, right?
2020. It’s a new decade and a new year, and it’s great time to reevaluate what you want and who you wanna be and make some goals. But a lot of the things we wanna focus on changing come from a place of thinking that there is something wrong with us or our lives. We don’t like how much we weigh. We don’t like the number in our bank account.
We don’t like what time we get up in the morning and what it means about us. We don’t like how we talk to our kids. We don’t like how many friends we have or how often we can hang out with them. We definitely don’t travel enough. All of it comes from a place of lack within ourselves, and that’s pretty normal.
I don’t want you to beat yourself up about that. Our brains are wired to be on the lookout for problems, and that’s what’s kept us safe since the caveman days. Right. But it becomes a problem for us today because it really affects our mental health when we constantly pick ourselves apart. Couple that with the constant onslaught of advice from experts and bloggers and people in our lives and the picture perfect social media world.
And here we all are again, end of December, making goals to fix ourselves and our lives so that we can be happier. Because if we just wore a smaller size or we had more money, we would definitely feel better. ink.com compiled a list of the top 10 New Year’s resolutions, and I’m gonna read through ’em, and I don’t think there’s a ton of surprises here.
Number one is diet or eat healthier. Number two, exercise more. Number three, lose weight. Number four, save more and spend less. Five, learn a new skill or hobby. Number six was quit smoking. Number seven is read more. Number eight is find another job. Nine, drink less alcohol, and 10 was spend more time with family and friends.
So are any of those on your list this year? They’re pretty common ones that we see bouncing around. And there’s nothing wrong with these goals. I’ve coached a lot of people on their goals. It’s actually one of my favorite things to do. I love showing my clients how to use their brain to help them achieve anything they want, and I really do believe that, that you can achieve amazing, incredible things if you come at it the right way.
So if you have a business or a side gig, Or a nonprofit that you started in memory of your baby. I’d love helping you make and reach your goals this year. I always have a link in my show notes if you just scroll down under the podcast when you’re playing it, and I have a free 30 minute session and you can come to that and bring your ideas and your goals and we can see if it’s a good fit for you to come into my program where we will walk you through some of these goals and.
We just identify some beliefs and it’s really, really fun and really effective. Many of my clients that I coach want to make more money because they think that they should. They think they are failing because they haven’t made more money. They are tying their value to the amount of money that has come in or the amount of clients they have, or whatever it might be, the amount of things they have sold.
They definitely think that they’re doing a lot of things wrong in their business or whatever goals they’re working towards. It’s so easy for us to identify these so-called flaws, and my clients also always believe that once they reach their goal, then they will be confident and happy, then they’ll be able to love themselves.
Everything we do is because of how we think It will make us feel. We also think we need to dislike something in order to change it, because if we liked it, we would never be motivated to do anything. If we were okay with how much money we made, we would just sit on the couch watching Netflix, but that’s not true.
It’s actually the opposite. There is so much power in being kind to you. Can you believe that you are a hundred percent worthy and perfect just as you are? I want you to think about a baby, maybe even your angel baby. When a baby is born, we don’t put expectations on it. We just marvel at how incredible she is.
She doesn’t have to do anything to prove her worth because her worth doesn’t come from her achievements or her size, or how many friends she has or how clean her house is. She is worthy because she exists. She is worthy because her worth doesn’t come from those external things. And the same goes for you.
If it feels a little impossible to believe this about yourself, start with a latter thought. It’s possible I’m a hundred percent perfect just as I am. Or Amy believes I’m a hundred percent perfect. You really have to practice this one because of the negative chatter that most of us women have in our head, but I promise it’s possible to love yourself flaws and all.
And I even say that in air quotes with these flaws because we are just human beings and we are just so many things and learning to love yourself. Through all of it is such a powerful thing to do and it, if we can do that for ourselves, it’s so much easier to do it for other people and all the people around us to love them just the way they are as well.
I found it very interesting how Mrs. Rogers explains to the reporter in the movie how much time and effort Mr. Rogers put into his practice of staying calm and loving everyone. It didn’t come completely, naturally. But he worked at it in many different ways, mentally and physically doing what he needed to do every day to be the person he wanted to be.
Now, if you honestly believed that you didn’t need to change anything, what would you want to do in the new year and what are your reasons? I think some great reasons to set goals are because it sounds fun or because you wanna push yourself outside your comfort zone. Because you’re curious to see what you can do because you love your body and you wanna bless it with healthy foods and movement because you wanna become more enlightened in your life because you love learning and keeping your mind sharp because you value relationships, because you wanna serve the people around you and because you love you and you wanna take care of you.
A little bit of homework this week is to write down some of the thoughts you have about the new year and you, and then think of a few reasons that you like as you decide on some possible goals. You don’t have to do anything because of a date on the calendar, but if you wanna make some goals coming from reasons like this will create emotions that are much more likely to fuel you to last past February.
These emotions will create the results you want. Even if the process is uncomfortable, which I think all good goals push us to be a little bit uncomfortable or even really uncomfortable, it’s definitely gonna be a lot more enjoyable when you like your reasons. So when Lloyd Vogel allowed himself to believe he was lovable because of the care, Fred Rogers showed him his entire life changed, his relationships improved.
He took what was supposed to be a small essay on Mr. Rogers and turned it into a compelling cover story for the magazine, Esquire. I’m gonna end with a few quotes by Fred himself that I loved, and I just want you to think again, of just trying this. It’s a new year. Try something different. Make your goals from a place of love for yourself and see what happens.
It’s so much more fun and it’s so much more powerful. Mr. Rogers said, I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now. Appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be. Now, this one is so perfect. I think when we’re raising children. Right to love our children as they are and exactly where they are, but I want you to use it on yourself.
Right? Love yourself now. Appreciate yourself now, not for what you can do in the new year, not for when you’re a certain size or a certain weight, or you’ve read a certain number of books, right? Love yourself now and then move forward. He also says it’s really easy to fall into the trap of believing that what we do is more important than what we are.
Of course, it’s the opposite. That’s true. What we are ultimately determines what we do, and I think this goes back to again, what are your reasons? What are you thinking about yourself rather than what are you doing on the outside? The clothes you wear, the way your house looks, all of those things. I wanted to finish with a quote that is, there are three ways to ultimate success.
The first way is be kind. The second way is be kind, and the third way is be kind. I think Fred Rogers is a wonderful life coach. Let’s all follow his advice and be kind to ourselves and make our New Year’s goals from that place. If you don’t even know where to start or how to do this, let me help you. I would love to talk to you.
Like I said before, there’s a link in my bio or you can find me on Instagram, amy dot Smooth Stones Coaching. Or my website is Smooth stones coaching.com. Click on the work with me page. I hope you guys had a gentle Christmas. I was thinking about you a lot. I had a pretty good Christmas. It was a little bit crazy, but not too bad, and I’m excited to head into 2020.
And if you’re listening to this a little bit later than December, 2019, I wanna say that this applies at any time. It doesn’t matter what time of year it is. You can always make goals. You can always learn to love yourself in a more effective way, and just stop beating yourself up. Love yourself first, and then move forward and see what you can do.
All right. I am. So excited to hear what you guys are doing. If you’re following me on Instagram, I’m gonna have a post where I wanna hear some of these goals and some of these reasons. So check it out and I’ll talk to you next time.