Valentine’s Day is coming up soon, and I’m going to tell you how it can be your best one ever!
Here’s the deal. We go into these special occasions with expectations. We know what would be the perfect gift, the perfect dinner, the perfect way for the evening to go.
And we play this story over in our mind and the excitement builds. And then February 14th rolls around and our significant other does not perform as expected. Cue the silent treatment and the disappointment and the distance. Or maybe a nice, big fight.
Or you may go into it with expectations low already. You might even dread the day, knowing it never goes as you hoped. And yet in the back of your mind…you’re still hoping that this will be the year he really hits it out of the park. Or at least gets you a card…
In both scenarios, and many in between, what is happening is this: we think the people around us know what we want.
But they don’t. They actually can’t read our minds.
Now, the solution can be pretty simple: tell them what you would like.
Here’s the tricky part though. You can’t tie your emotions to whether they do it or not. You are welcome to make requests- just own that whatever happens, you choose how you feel.
A really great way to check yourself on this is to ask “What am I making this mean?”
I’ll give you an example. You tell your husband you would love to go out to dinner on Valentine’s and you give him a list of your favorite chocolates. He comes home late from work in a bad mood and there’s not going to be any dinner and he definitely didn’t stop for chocolates.
What would you make that mean? That he’s inconsiderate, that he doesn’t care about things that are important to you and the big one….he doesn’t love me. If he loved me, he could at least be romantic one night a year!
But the truth is, what he does says nothing about you. His behavior is about him. And you don’t actually know why all this happened. You don’t know what kind of day he had or how he feels about going out on Valentine’s day.
It’s your ideas about how the night SHOULD go that are causing your pain.
So let’s start today to plan for this. And any other special occasions that come up. Remember that the reason we want to do anything is to create a feeling. On Valentine’s we want to love and feel loved. How can you create that, no matter what?
It’s actually interesting to take a page from what many men would say….”I don’t need flowers and chocolates to celebrate our love, it’s just another day on the calendar.” And it really is. But it’s also great to do something special, so if you want to, go for it! Plan something out of love and for fun, not out of neediness. You ARE loved. You are special. Drop the rules. You are the best one! You know exactly what you want.
I can’t forget those of you who do get what you want on V-Day. For you it would be interesting to write down what those roses make you think. And notice what those thoughts make you feel. Know that those loving thoughts are what are creating the emotions.
And if you are single you also get to decide how you experience this day. It doesn’t have to all be positive. You can totally feel sad or a bit lonely or whatever if you want. I’m just saying….allow yourself to feel it on purpose. And if you don’t want to feel that way….then treat yo self! Or treat the ones you love. Love always feels good.
I actually am loving all the ads I am seeing for Galentine’s…it shows people can really do what they want, no matter what their relationship status or previous expectations. These ladies have their own back, and that is awesome.
And if you take the reins and plan everything and he comes home late from work and grumpy, you can just love him anyway, because that’s the kind of wife YOU want to be. Again, allowing a bit of disappointment if you choose,but take your power back.
I can’t wait to hear how things go.