Hello and welcome to episode 1 95 of the Smooth Stones Podcast, finding the right support. Now, I was headed. Yesterday, last night to lead an in-person support group. I volunteer with a local nonprofit that is for pregnancy loss. If you’re in Utah, you gotta come hang out with me. Um, we have a lot of great support in Utah actually.

And I was thinking how I tell you all the time to build your support system if you’ve been listening for a while. I talk a lot about it. This is not something we want to do alone in our life. We just. Do not wanna go through baby loss alone. Um, and I think it’s so important that you find your people that are gonna help you through this, but sometimes it’s.

Really tricky or it feels really tricky, but it actually isn’t. Um, so today I want to talk about options for support, and then I’m gonna talk about the three biggest obstacles I see for people actually taking action in order to get support. And one of them you’re gonna be really surprised about, but you’re probably gonna realize that.

This is a big obstacle for you too, and once you can get it out of the way, you are gonna feel so much better and so much more ready to build that network of support around you. I don’t want you to be alone in this whatever season, no matter how long it’s been since your loss. I think all of us have something that we are struggling with.

So the things you learn today about maybe building a grief support system. Really translate into anything you’re doing, any challenge that you’re having, anywhere that you need support in order to kind of get unstuck and move forward. Because yeah, there are so many unique situations where we can feel alone.

Maybe it’s in your relationship, maybe it’s at work, um, maybe it’s in parenting your living kids. There, there are so many challenges, even like politically, physically, like. You know, all the places where we feel stuck or alone, you don’t have to feel that way anymore. And all of these tips are gonna work.

Um, so let me dive in and talk about this now. I will shout out, if you’re not on my newsletter, come on over and join that. There’ll be a link in the bio, but, uh. I love to share resources and people and all the things in my newsletter and lots of advice and you know, it’s a good thing.

Oh, and here’s another thing. I notice that. As we talk about this, as you learn about this, as you think about this, it’s one thing to know that support is out there. Like I think most of us know there is support out there, but it’s another thing to actually utilize it, right? Because I think that’s the disconnect sometimes.

It’s like, we know all these things are out there. But we’re still sitting at home really, really lonely, like scrolling on our phone, um, hoping that it just happens, that we find support. And I know for some people you do like you’ve got it. And I am so happy for you. You’ve got people around you, you’ve got people coming towards you.

But for a lot of people. You do have to take those first steps. You do have to reach out in order to utilize the resources around you and getting the support that is available to you. It’s just we do have to ask and that sucks. Let’s talk about group support. Since I was leading the support group.

There are many online support groups, which I know a lot of us. It’s like with COVID, with Zoom, with all the things. It can be exhausting. , but also such a good resource because it doesn’t matter where you live, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. It doesn’t, you don’t have to get up and go out and travel, especially if you live in like a rural area and you don’t have in-person support near you.

This can be a great, amazing option. What Group support does is this could be Group therapy. This could be just Grief Support group. It could be Pregnancy Loss Support Group, um, pregnancy after Loss support group. , what it does is it normalizes your experience. This is really important, especially at the beginning.

We want to normalize what’s going on for us. We wanna say like, or hear other people saying what we’ve been feeling, what we’ve been experiencing, and that can be really great. Right? We also get to hear lots of stories and I, I really don’t encourage people to compare grief. But sometimes even hearing people who are having.

Like some unique struggles or different struggles, you start to feel like, okay, like my struggles, it kind of just puts perspective on your particular struggles. So I’m not saying we’re gonna compare them and we’re gonna feel better ’cause ours is easier, but it does give perspective when we.

Hear other stories, um, we can make loss friends. This is the best thing about a good support group is we meet people. A lot of times they might be in a similar season to us or they might be a little bit farther along. Um, that’s the cool thing about a support group. You might have people that loss their baby a week ago.

You might have people that loss a baby 10 years ago and you’re gonna be able to ask questions.

You’re gonna be able to make those friendships that you are craving so much. And the cool thing is that obstacle of they don’t understand, or I don’t know how to talk about my baby with them or whatever. A lot of those obstacles are gone in a support group because you’re all dealing with similar things.

And so that just shared language is really, really amazing. And. Can just, that alone is so helpful. I think what I hear people say when they come to support group, or I’ve been to some loss retreats, it’s like, you just can talk about your baby. It’s so easy. Um, you don’t have to overthink it. You are not worried about getting emotional.

You’re not worried about all the things that you’re worried about when you’re talking to like, quote unquote, like normal people. You’ve got. Friends right away. And it’s so easy to connect with people, especially when you feel disconnected in your other life because you do feel so separated, um, at times.

And the other thing I love about group support is you can bring your partner. So if you are a woman and you have a male partner, a lot of times they get loss in the shuffle and it can be really hard. But I know at least ours, a lot of husbands come, a lot of partners come. We’ve had grandparents come, and that’s a great thing.

’cause then you know, you’re not doing it alone. You have a person there. They have a place to also listen to maybe get perspective for themselves, especially if. You know, you have a partner where you’re trying to explain what you’re feeling and what you’re going through, and maybe they’re just not getting it.

When they hear a lot of other people explaining similar things, sometimes they realize like, oh, this is okay. Right? This is normal. This is what grief looks like. This makes a lot of sense now. So that can be really, really helpful. I love, love, love when the partners come and I feel like it’s getting more and more.

Like normalized for sure. Uh, some of the challenges of group support walking into a room full of strangers. All of us as human beings are going to have some nerves about that. We’re gonna have some questions about that. Our brain is gonna be, um, concerned about that, and it can be really, really hard.

Especially if your grief is kind of raw and you know you’re unsure, that can be difficult. I also have noticed that sometimes in a group, I mean it depends on the size, but sometimes you might not get to share. You might not get to ask questions if it’s a bigger group. It can just be intimidating. It can be hard to put your hand up,

or you can just simply run out of time if there’s someone who’s really talking. And generally in any group of humans, there’s gonna be a person who wants to share a lot. And maybe you don’t. I mean, that’s the perspective I’m coming from. ’cause I am more of a wait and see and quiet and like introverted person.

Um, so yeah, that can be. Tricky to navigate, but I really do think that there’s value, even if you don’t get to share, I think there’s value in pushing yourself to speak up and to tell your story and to ask questions. And I think if you have a good facilitator, they should hopefully recognize that and kind of make it work for the group.

That’s their job. It’s not really your job, but you know, we can kind of. Look at those things in ourself, if that’s a struggle for you. If speaking up is a struggle, maybe talk to the facilitator, maybe find someone that you can talk to about getting the support you need within that group, because that’s what they’re there for.

I mean, they’re there to help you and sometimes you just gotta advocate for yourself. Let’s talk about peer support. Um, this is, you know, can happen in a group support situation, but it’s really connecting with other loss moms, other pregnancy after loss moms. And actually it could be. Through a lot of ways, like for example, you’re here listening to this podcast because I am a person who’s also experienced two losses, who’s experienced stillbirth who’s experienced miscarriage, who’s experienced pregnancy after loss.

And so in some ways you might have found your way here because I have a similar experience to you, . I remember when I first loss Lauren, we lived so far away and there just wasn’t a lot of support. I think it was before like video calling, it’s dating me I guess, but it was in 2013 and like Zoom wasn’t a thing.

That wasn’t as available. But there was a blog and it was called Still Standing Magazine. I’m pretty sure it still exists. But, um, they had a lot of great articles by people who had shared their experience and I was able to say, yes, yes, yes. I totally, this is me. This is what I’m thinking, this is what I’m feeling.

And then when I got pregnant again, um, pretty soon after my first loss, there was this pregnancy after loss section in that magazine. And they had what they called bump day bloggers, and they would. Every week kind of say, I’m this many weeks and this is what I was worried about and this is how my checkup went.

And they would share that. And I was so proud of them and so grateful that they were sharing that journey because I was able to recognize my own journey in it. And that meant so much. And I’ve actually gotten to speak to, um, some of the people that were writing for that magazine and kind of sharing that.

And just express my appreciation for them putting that out there. ’cause it’s not easy, it’s not easy to share sometimes when you’re just so emotional. Um, you’ve got a lot going on, but to be able to put it into words was so helpful. So I would actually call that peer support, even though I didn’t know those ladies.

I felt like I did because of their words. And so that was really, really cool. All right. Having peers, lets you normalize your life, let’s you vent. Um, again, you have that shared language that can be really, really helpful. And I gotta say, there is value to what we call random internet people.

When I first joined, uh, helping with a charity that I’ve worked with forever, which is called Teeny Tears, I met the ladies in charge of that and they were gonna have this service day. And at the time I lived. Four, probably four and a half hours away from where they were having this. And, but I was like, I wanna go anyways.

And it was like this whole service, like a whole day of making little diapers and little hats and all the things. And so we had been messaging a ton on Facebook, um, getting to know each other, chatting . And we ended up staying at her house. And I, I remember her husband was like. That’s Facebook.

People like how are you inviting Facebook people that you’ve never met to your house? And we just kind of, it’s become kind of like a joke, but it was like we did know each other so much from random internet group, right? So I really do think online support groups can be great in so many ways. And if you can take those connections to the next level, I highly recommend it.

Get on a phone call, get on a Zoom. Even Facebook Messenger I think has calls, um, or WhatsApp or whatever. Like there’s ways to do it for free where you can talk to these people, you can get to know these people. These people can be, become your friends and that is amazing peer support. So sometimes you gotta take those next steps.

That’s what I would encourage you. If you, maybe you’re in a group but you’re not very active or. Um, like you, you know some people and you see ’em at your support group, but you haven’t taken it to the next level. Like maybe do that. Maybe become actual friends that actually do stuff and chat with each other and all of that.

Um, and I will say sometimes this ends up being a season. Sometimes you make really close good, fast friends and you have this peer support. And it evolves and it changes and like life goes on. You know, when you’re really all in the grief, you really are together and tight and talking all the time. And then sometimes it, it evolves as you move on.

, as you have living children, um, as you know, you get new jobs or kids grow up or whatever happens, people move, but it’s still worth it. Even if it’s for a season, even if it ends up being a short time that you’re able to support each other. I still think making connections always is better than not making connections.

That sounds funny to say, like most people say, duh, Amy. That’s obvious. But I’m telling you, I’ve seen it a lot where people are really afraid to make connections. They’re afraid to take the next step. They’re afraid to really make friends with those other loss parents. So do this. Even couples. I love that.

I think we have a few couples in our that come to our support group and they have hung out outside, um, of the support group. And I love that. I think that’s the best thing. Like if nothing else happened at my support group except people met each other and then like took it outside and took it, you know, wherever they wanted to go, that would be totally worth it.

’cause that’s what we’re here for. Um, I know that. I had a few friends that I met, so I’ll share one. When we loss our daughter, we lived in a really small town and people kept whispering about this, this certain family, this family, this family. They kept saying their name and I was like, I don’t know them.

Which was weird because it was a small town, but they just kept saying, and I guess they had loss a baby. I think she died. In the end of December, and we loss Lauren in March. And so in the small town where they kind of rarely had losses, they’d had this other basically full term stillbirth. And then us, we both had little girls.

And everyone, I guess the same thing had happened to her. They kept telling her, oh, you gotta meet. Amy Watson, like they just loss a baby and, and all of that. And so one day we actually ran into each other in the grocery store and, and we were both like, wait a minute, aren’t you?

Yes. Aren’t you, whoever? And we like actually met. And I still think of that as one of those tiny little miracles, those tender mercies where we both were in our little small town grocery store at the exact same time. And both had the courage to say, Hey, wait a minute, aren’t you this person? And then we were just so tight.

We talked a lot about our grief. We both ended up getting pregnant right away. I actually think I told her before I told my family, um, before I told my kids, because we both were pregnant and I think, I can’t even remember who said it first, but either way, like maybe I shared first I was like that I was pregnant and she was like, oh my gosh, I am too.

We both ended up being due really, uh, close together. So we had both had losses quite close together. Then we both had our first rainbow living rainbow babies. And it was just a really, really cool thing, that we could just have that right. And we, for that season, we talked nearly every day.

We texted, we checked on each other. Now, like she’s not really on social media. We chat every once in a while. They moved. We moved, but I will never forget her and I still would consider her one of my closest friends. And I will forever be grateful for having someone that knew what I was going through that I could talk to that just.

Yeah, it was like having a little angel that was there for me, and I think she would say the same thing, like we both just were so grateful that if we had to go through something so hard in such a small town that was really remote and. Just didn’t have a lot of resources that we had. Each other, I think was just such a miracle.

So be open to those miracles, like open your mouth, send the text, send the message, like whatever you need to do. Because if I wouldn’t have said anything or if neither one of us like would’ve tried to make that connection, we would’ve missed all of that. We would’ve missed having each other through those first couple of years.

And. That would’ve been such a huge loss. So again, I’m really gonna encourage you throughout this episode, take a step, take action in group support to get peer support, like to make those friends. I promise you can do it, and I promise it’s worth it and it’s easier than you think. Um, another place to get support, which sometimes we don’t think about is.

Our family. Now, everyone has a different family situation and some of us are really close with our family, some aren’t. Sometimes this comes really, really easy. Sometimes we might have people in our family who have been through loss and that is a connection. Or we just have family members and friends who.

Don’t understand, but they still love us so much and they’re so close with us that that is really important. So if you have that, I think like that’s amazing for you and maybe find ways to really allow yourself to feel and accept and receive that support, which can be difficult. If you do have people kind of knocking down your door saying, can I bring dinner?

Can I do this? Like, can I, you know, whatever they’re offering, let yourself receive it. I think that’s the work to do if that’s a struggle for you. If you’re not close with your family, if it’s a struggle, um, number one, my heart goes out to you and I.

I still do think that when you have the capacity that you give people the benefit of the doubt, just try if you can, um, to connect with them through this experience. Because you know, sometimes when it’s real tender things happen or things are sad and, and we kind of hold grudges over that. But, you know, life is short and I say like.

Let’s be building bridges from where we can, you know, of course it’s a two-way street, but family’s family, so Yeah. And if, if that’s not the case or possible for you, definitely. I think another spot for support is friends who. Don’t get it, who maybe haven’t had a loss or whatever, but they are there for you.

And I had a lot of this too. I had a few really close friends who were absolutely there for me. And they did not understand my experience, but they were able to empathize. They’re able to, you know, put themselves in my shoes. They were able to do things I couldn’t do, um, because they were outside of it.

They were just awesome. And so I would encourage you, I know that a secondary loss after going through grief is often some friendships and you know, that’s a whole thing to navigate and if you need help, uh, just come and talk to me. But yeah, again, giving people the benefit of the doubt, um, sharing, being open.

Figuring out who you can trust, who you can really talk to is so, so important. Sometimes we really think that we can only truly connect with people who understand specifically what we’ve been through, but I don’t think that’s true. I really think that people are awesome and they wanna be there for you, and you just gotta be willing to have those conversations and allow it again, receive it into your life.

Let people take care of you. Let it be your turn to be cared for and supported. That’s how you build a support system. So we’ve already talked about group support, whether it’s online or in person. I highly recommend in person, even if maybe you need to drive, um. If it’s inconvenient, I say do it. Then we’ve got peer support, which is finding other loss moms or pregnancy after loss moms that you can talk to.

Then we’ve got friends and family who may not have experienced the same thing, but they want to support you or they’re there for you. Or sometimes people are just like hesitantly waiting for you to call them in. I know that can be so frustrating. People get frustrated. They’re like, I just want them to, you know, make the first move.

But it’s okay if they’re unsure, and it’s okay to be honest, and it’s okay to reach out, and it’s okay to have conversations because it’s worth it to have a support system, a couple more and then we are going to just talk about the three obstacles. Remember we’ve got a surprising one, um, and then we’ll wrap it up.

So therapy, therapy obviously is something that people are very, very aware of. It is a trained professional. There’s many like levels of therapy, different types of the therapists, counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, all the things. I’m just putting that under the umbrella of therapy. But you’ve got a trained professional, someone who will be great at having a safe place for you.

You’ve got somewhere where you can process trauma, right? Sometimes that needs some special skills, some special techniques, um, knowledge, all of those things, and that can be really, really great. I am a big proponent of doing anything you can to get support, to get mental health support, to have all the options available.

Again, like best case scenario, we have some of all of this in our kind of tool belt of support, in our support circle, right? In order for it to be a circle, we’ve gotta have a lot of points around us, so therapy. Also a bonus is a lot of times it’s covered with insurance or it’s, it’s cheaper with insurance.

That’s not always the case. I wish it was like, there’s so many things we could say, at least in America where I live about, you know, accessibility. But for many people it is relatively accessible. Um, most places have some therapists or there are therapists that are able to practice online. So. That a hundred percent highly recommend.

Some of the challenge is finding your right therapist. This can be a big obstacle because it is a lot and emotionally draining to ’cause even when we say, people are always like, well, just try out a bunch of therapists. Well, you’ve gotta find them. You gotta make sure they do go with your insurance.

You’ve gotta, set up an appointment, you’ve gotta make the time to do it. You’ve gotta go meet the person. You’ve gotta kinda like dump all your stuff while they evaluate it. ’cause most of the time, the first, um, the first appointment is just kinda an intake, right? Where they’re trying to figure out what’s going on, whether they’re a good fit, whether you have a diagnosis of like, um, a mental health struggle, which they usually have to do for insurance.

And so. All of that time, all of that emotional energy has to go into meeting with one therapist. And then on the first time, you generally, you might know right away if it’s a no, but you might not know if it’s the best. And so when people say shop around for a therapist, I think especially if you’re grieving or you’re struggling or you’re terrified ’cause you’re pregnant again.

Um, that can feel really daunting. So if you’re in that space, like my heart goes out to you, it can be really daunting, right? It’s a lot of time, it’s a lot of energy, but totally worth it. And I think what’s important is listen, learning to listen to your gut and really noticing like, do I just not vibe with this therapist?

Do they have the tools that I want to use? Like maybe you want to do a certain type of therapy or use a certain. You know, type of, um, like a theory, a certain theory, like there’s attachment theory and there’s internal family systems and there’s um, like cognitive behavioral therapy. There’s EMDR, there’s all these modalities.

Do you gotta find out, like do they do use those? Are they good at using those? Do you like them? And then, yeah, there’s also just a person to person, like do you feel comfortable with them? Do you like their vibes? If you don’t, that’s, I think, you know, you don’t need anyone’s permission. A lot of times we wanna, people please, we don’t wanna say, no, we don’t wanna fire our therapist, we don’t wanna switch.

But it’s worth it, and you are worth it, and you deserve it. You deserve someone you feel safe with, someone that you know, pushes you just enough, but also is a soft, soft place for you. So. I would really encourage you, if you’re struggling to find a therapist, , keep trying and maybe talk to some friends, get some recommendations.

You can even come and talk to me if you want, um, and I can help you navigate through finding a therapist. , the other thing is therapy can be really expensive. Like if it’s not covered by insurance, and so that can be, uh, difficult for people. Okay. The last one I have is coaching.

Of course, I’m a big proponent of coaching. I think it’s much lesser known. If you’re here, obviously you’ve heard of coaching, but what’s the difference? I do not have a degree in therapy, but I do have, um, life coach certification and then also a grief educator certification, and also my whole experience.

Of more than a decade where I’m helping people. Um, there are other amazing loss and grief coaches. I know plenty of them. I support all of them. I think the more coaches the better, because I think what’s cool about coaches is you do get that blend of like peer support and some expertise and everyone will be different, but, um.

I think coaching is a great way to support yourself and can kind of be a bridge to lots of other things, right? Like I said, throughout this episode, I can help you with your family. I can help you with your friends. I can help you get over whatever’s holding you back from building this support network,

I can help support you when you feel like you have no other options. , with coaching, like anything else, especially because it is newer, it’s not really regulated. Anybody can say they’re a coach. And so you do need to be really careful making sure again, that you find the right fit, that you trust them, that they’re ethical,

Many coaches have a podcast or they have a blog or they have a web. You know, you can, you can kinda search them out. Um, you can kind of look into their background, get to know them a bit before you say yes, and I think that’s really, really helpful. Um, but yeah, I, I think coaching is amazing

I think there’s so many people out there hurting that need that, and coaching is another thing that might just be for a season and it kind of just helps you through something you’re struggling with and then you’re able to go on using the other tools. . And then with coaching, of course, some of the drawbacks is can’t take insurance.

Um. A lot of times it is online, and I know for some people that’s a, a con, but I think it’s been great. I’ve had clients from a few different countries and then like all over, and it’s, it’s awesome that we can connect in that way. . Let’s talk about these three obstacles.

The biggest obstacles that I see. Now there are many obstacles, but here’s what I see. Number one, no motivation. When you’re struggling, because everything feels hard, this is gonna come up throughout your life. This, but especially in deep grief, in raw new grief, everything feels impossible. Like ordering groceries feels impossible.

Um, going to the grocery store, extra impossible. We’re not gonna do that, right? Like. All the things feel really, really hard. So that can be a big obstacle. Um, I highly recommend doing it anyway. That’s the key. You’re just gonna take action. You’re gonna take steps anyway, or you’re gonna take a step to tell someone to do it for you.

Like, Hey mom, can you call these 10 therapists or find me a therapist that does this, this, and this, and have them do it for you. Um, take some things off your plate, but. Sometimes we think we need motivation, and I know like if you’re in that real deep, almost like a depression state, please reach out for help.

Or please do just the bare minimum, like sending an email or like I said, joining a support group on Facebook, whatever it is. Like do something. Even if you don’t feel motivated, I promise you can do this. You are stronger than you think. I highly recommend that you get help and you don’t do this alone.

That’s the whole point. We don’t need to do this alone. If you don’t have motivation and you’re struggling and everything feels hard, you gotta just say, help. I’m drowning, and let someone help you. The second one. The second thing that I think is so funny, but is so real, is you don’t wanna cry in front of anyone.

So all of these group support, talking to your peers, talking to your friends, talking to your family, going to therapy, getting a coach. You don’t wanna cry in front of anyone. And a lot of times we’re afraid of crying ’cause we think once we start crying, we won’t be able to stop. Or sometimes we just think I have an ugly cry or my face gets all red or I get all snotty and I don’t wanna, like, I don’t wanna take away from the support group and I don’t want this, and I don’t want, you know, my therapist to think this.

Listen. You are allowed to cry. You’re supposed to cry. Crying is good. Uh, if you work with me, I tell you from the first minute that crying and tears are welcome. I actually want you to cry. I’m not gonna like, make you cry on purpose, but I want you to have this 45 minute session with me where you can let it all out.

Because you feel absolutely safe to do so because we’re gonna talk about real things that bring up real emotions and that’s okay to express those emotions. I want you to cry no matter how long it’s been, this, this is so important. So. If you find this obstacle of not wanting to cry in front of everyone is really holding you back, I highly recommend you come and do a few sessions with me.

I have seen it hold people back from going to a wedding, going to baby showers, going to back to work, going like so many places where not wanting to cry is the hugest obstacle. And I am telling you, when you stop being afraid to cry, when you learn how to handle that, it opens up everything. And I can tell you for myself, I don’t care if I cry, I don’t care when, where, how tears can flow.

And you know what? When you learn how to let them flow, when you stop being afraid of them, they come and they go. Right? I think the trying not to cry is so much more uncomfortable than just crying for a minute or crying for an hour or crying for a day. Whatever you need to do. But I’m telling you, if you’re hearing this and you’re afraid to cry and it’s holding you back from connecting with people, from doing the things you wanna do, you don’t have to do that anymore.

Come and talk to me. All right. And the other, the third biggest obstacle that I see is that we are socialized not to build a support system, which is funny because we do have like these structures in place that are supposed to help us. Build support systems or have support systems, but I feel like our society is just like more and more disconnected.

Um, and we just have this belief that we should be able to do this alone, or maybe just with our like partner, our nuclear family. Or maybe even our extended family, if you’re close with them, like, we think that should be enough. And that is a huge weight on our romantic relationships. Um, it can cause a lot of friction when you want that person to be everything for you.

And they are also, it’s like the blind leading the blind. Like neither of you know how to do this yet. , both of you are struggling. Both of you are just. Dealing with all these same challenges. If you’re, you know, if your partner’s male, they are socialized to not have emotions, to not really know how to handle emotions, to try to fix things.

, so that brings up a lot of problems, but, and we’re just very, like, we’re more and more connected in theory, but I feel like a lot of people feel so alone. Like we are so alone. We talk about the village and everyone’s like, where’s the village? A lot of times we live far from where we’re from.

We’re, you know, neighbors don’t talk to neighbors. Maybe you don’t feel like a part of the community, or you don’t know how to be part of the community, or maybe you feel like you are like you’re really young or you’re older, or you know. You’re working, you’re not staying home, or you are staying home and you have living kids so you feel like you don’t fit in with other loss moms or whatever it is, right?

Our brain will come up with all the reasons why we don’t fit. Um, and, and then we’re like, yeah, well, I can’t talk to them and I can’t talk to them, and I can’t talk to them. I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps. And figure this out. We also sometimes get negative feedback from people and they just are like, why aren’t you better yet?

And that sends us the message that you should figure this out. You should have this figured out. You should have this grief thing under control. You should quit talking about your baby. You should quit sharing about them on the internet. Like, we don’t want that. We don’t wanna see that. And so. All of this, like all these beliefs that we have picked up along the way, and then some of the feedback and the, the stuff that we get told after our baby dies makes it really, really hard.

So I wanna acknowledge that it can be really challenging to build a support network, and that is why it’s so important, and that’s why you kind of have to be the one to. Make this happen, and I wish it wasn’t the case. I wish all of us just had this magical support group, but sometimes we don’t. Right? Or sometimes we just don’t have the right fit.

I know I’ve also coached people who have a really strong church community. I have a strong church community. Sometimes that can be really challenging because they have all the platitudes. , but it just makes it worse, right? Or they just really want you to get over it. They want you to move forward.

There’s babies everywhere. Like they, they have all kinds of nosy questions and that can be tricky. Whatever situation you’re in, take a pause and see what you really, really need. I wanna invite you again to come to coaching if you’re struggling with this, if you’re struggling to find the right support, if you are feeling alienated in any way, if you are still fuming about something someone said and you like, can’t forgive them.

If you are just struggling, , figuring out how to do this thing, how to be in the season you’re in, in grief and or in pregnancy after loss, come and talk to me.

I will make this so easy for you. If your obstacle is you don’t know. If you have the motivation to reach out or you’re scared, I will make it easy for you. All you gotta do is take that first step. Send me an email to amy@smoothstonescoaching.com, or go um, send an application on my website. And I will take care of the rest.

If you’re worried about crying, I welcome it. Let’s cry. It’s gonna be great. And if your brain is giving you all the reasons not to get coaching, not to come talk to me. Listen. Do it anyways. I understand hyper independence, I, it’s definitely something I have to work on because I grew up as like an only daughter with a single mom, and I was just like, I’m gonna do everything myself.

Like I. I have brothers, but um, I’m not a single only child, but only daughter. Uh, I took on a lot of roles. I did a lot of work. I know hyper independence really, really well. And I also know that in the end, it’s exhausting to do life alone. You do not have to do life alone. Let me help you break these patterns.

Let me help you find a way. Let me help you make real strong, lasting connections with people around you to get you through this season, whatever it is, to get through those blocks to get unstuck. I’m really, really good at it, and it’s gonna be a lot easier than you think once you get started. So go in the show notes.

Go over to my website. Um, I have a application on my website and I will tell you, we, I used to have my calendar on there and um, that got a little bit tricky as my life got busier and busier. So we’ve switched to application. This is not like to see if you’re good enough to be my client. It’s just a way to kind of tell me what’s going on and then I’ll be able to reach out to you and I will be able to find a time that works for you, um, instead of just trying to make it work with like a calendar app anyway.

So don’t let the word application, uh, stress you out. It’s just an invitation. It’s just a, a way to, , get us connected. So. I hope you have an amazing week. Keep building that support system, especially through the holidays. If you’re struggling with the holidays, I’m doing a special right now, $40 for holiday sessions.

You can do one, you can do 10 at whatever you want. Let’s talk about where you’re stuck, where you’re afraid, where you’re worried about being with family or being away from family, or not having your baby, or whatever you’re struggling with. I wanna help you. So reach out. I am here. I’ll see you next time.