Hello, it is basketball season where I live and that is one of my most favorite things. I love playing basketball. I love watching it, especially college basketball. Here in our house, we are huge BYU fans that’s Brigham Young University and that comes with a lot of ups and downs. You get used to a lot of excitement.

And a lot of disappointment. The other night we went to a game and it was one of those pre season exhibition games. These games usually involve a team that isn’t a whole lot of competition for BYU, but it’s a good warm up and preparation for the games to come in the rest of the season. And while I was sitting there on the bleachers, I had an epiphany and I grabbed my phone, To take some notes and that is where this episode was born So I’m gonna tell you what I saw that really struck me and how it’s gonna help you in your life Oh, but one other thing that I’m as excited about is that the doors are now open for stop blaming yourself in six weeks.

This is your opportunity to let go of the blame, shame, guilt, and anger that’s holding you back after baby loss. I want to invite you in, wrap you in a warm blanket, and tell you that it’s gonna be okay. It’s your time to put down this weight that you’ve been carrying. We’ll be meeting together for group classes, and you also get two one on one calls with me.

One to start you off on the right foot, so kind of a kick off call, and then one to check back in after our time together and make sure we got every bit of blame covered and you have a solid plan for moving forward. Letting go of all your blame is important. Is possible. I believe it because I’ve lived it myself

and I’ve watched my clients find true, deep peace as well. You have to come hang out with us. All the details will be on my website at smoothstonescoaching. com or you can directly go to smoothstonescoaching. com forward slash stop.

Okay, now, back to this game. I was sitting there watching BYU hit 3 pointer after 3 pointer after 3 pointer. The score was jumping up higher and higher for them and the other team just kept playing. They didn’t give up. They didn’t get nasty or like fouling, foul people like sometimes can happen in a game that’s really lopsided.

They just kept going. I can imagine what it feels like going into a huge stadium like the Marriott Center with its loud fans, award winning dancers, cheerleaders, and the crowd. Our mascot, Cosmo the Cougar, who is amazing and a really good team, probably knowing that you’re not winning this one. And they traveled a long way to get there, and they knew the outcome, but they kept playing.

We call this kind of thing being the underdog. Oh, and you know I had to look up where this term came from, and I’m actually kind of sad that I did, because, duh, it makes a lot of sense, but I Didn’t click this together, but it refers to dog fighting which historically was a thing Oh, I mean, I guess it still is now, but hopefully a lot less than it used to be It makes my heart hurt.

I just I hate it so much but we’re gonna roll with it because This is where it comes from and there were also terms for the winning dog In a dog fight, a. k. a. the top dog, and the losing one was the underdog. And now, in our version of the word, we define it this way. Um, the term underdog does have multiple meanings, but one of them is a person or team that is expected to lose a contest or game.

But there’s a funny thing about underdogs. We want to root for them. We love a good underdog redemption story where the person who is underestimated overcomes everything and becomes the hero. They beat the person who had all the advantages because the underdog has that grit and determination that comes from being on the bottom.

There’s no way to go but up. There’s kind of just nothing to lose, so they give it all they’ve got. Now, in this game I was watching, the underdog was not going to get redemption by turning the game around and winning with a buzzer beating half court shot. They were just going to lose, but they did it with dignity.

Now, what does this have to do with you? Here’s the thing. We as grievers, as loss parents, as people who have or are experiencing pain, we can feel a bit like the universe is expecting us to lose, that it’s handing us a lot of challenges. We can feel like we’re losing and that there’s no way we can win anymore.

You might even call yourself a loser. And if you’re doing that consciously or unconsciously, I love you. I’m sending you a big hug, and I want you to stop it. What I think is the difference between really losing and being the underdog is the underdog still has some fight in them. They might be battered and bruised, but they want to keep trying.

They may have to go home and lick their wounds and recover before trying again, but they won’t give up. Have you ever felt underestimated? What part of your life was that in? Is it happening right now? Who did it? Who underestimated you? Was it the people around you? Or are you doing it to yourself sometimes?

And I gotta admit, as you look into your own thoughts and the way you’re talking to yourself, we all probably at some point or another really do put ourselves down. And that’s okay. But let’s be aware of it so that we can make some shifts. The other cool thing about being an underdog is how people can really get behind them.

This is how I feel about my clients. They are all incredible, but often they come to me feeling pretty beaten down, stuck, and hopeless, and it just touches that part of me that loves a good redemption story. I know it won’t be pretty, and they’re gonna have to work and fight and get messy. But I know that they’re in the game.

I think you can’t not throw a Brene Brown quote in here Which is actually a Theodore Roosevelt quote and this version is adapted for women, but it has to be done We got to do this quote. So here you go You’ve heard it before but I want you to hear it with new ears today See yourself in this story wherever you’re feeling like the underdog It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong woman stumbles, or the doer of deeds could have done them better.

The credit belongs to the woman who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, but who does actually strive to do the deeds. Who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends herself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if she fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

And this quote always touches my heart. And I hope it touches yours, because I see you as the woman in the ring. You are in it, you are living this messy, hard, beautiful, magical life. Your baby is not with you physically, but you keep them in your heart as you fight. You still have big dreams, and you’re not sure if you’ll succeed.

You’ve been on the wrong side of statistics, and you’ve been on the floor. People might doubt that you’re gonna have a comeback, they might think you’re broken forever. You might even believe that sometimes. But let me be that voice in your ear that says It doesn’t matter what’s on the scoreboard, keep playing, keep going, stay classy and be sassy when you need to, dig into that grit that only an underdog has access to, use it.

You know, I was coaching someone recently who felt bad because they were really motivated by proving someone wrong by not being who their family thought they were and who they told her she was. And I wanted to say, yes, use that as motivation. Why not? Sometimes other people’s doubt and opinions light the fire that we need in our bellies.

You don’t always have to have a nice reason to keep going. You can have a petty one. It’s fine with me. Show them, show them what you’re really made of. It was so interesting as I prepared this episode to see all the articles about why we root for the underdog and why you can’t count an underdog out. We as humans really love to see someone dig in and find a way to keep going.

In one study, 88. 1 percent of people were rooting for the underdog. And funnily enough, people really wanted the winners. to lose. They don’t like people who come in with a perfect record and wipe out the little guy. But in our own minds, we want to always win, never fail, never have challenges, never mess up.

We want a perfect record in the game of life. But where is the fun in that? Someone also said, the reason we cheer for the underdogs is that so many of us can relate to how hard they struggle to win. So when they do win, we honor their efforts. I 100 percent agree with this. Life is way less about the results we create and way more about continuing to try.

There is joy in the effort and there’s no effort necessary if it’s easy. Easy. We’ve all been handed opportunities to struggle. You know you have. Let’s struggle well. I’m gonna wrap up this little pep talk with some more sports because it feels really pertinent today. This weekend, the BYU football team goes against their arch rival, the University of Utah.

This rivalry has been going since 1896 and it’s intense. I did not grow up here. I grew up in Canada. So I really has had my eyes opened. the first rivalry game I went to and just like how fired up everyone was. This year BYU is coming in undefeated and Utah has had a bit of a rough year so far. So all the signs would point to an easy BYU win, but the underdog effect is always in play, especially in these rivalry games.

Historically, BYU has been the underdog and has lost a lot. Uh, so this should be really, really interesting, but you just absolutely cannot count out that heart, that grit, that will to try, that will to overcome. It is such a powerful thing. You are powerful too. If you’ve been feeling beaten down or like you’re seeing a lot of losses in your life, don’t count yourself out.

Stay in the ring. Keep playing. Keep pushing forward. I’m rooting for you. I’ll see you next time.