You are currently viewing Episode 116 – Remembering our Babies

Episode 116 – Remembering our Babies

As Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day is upon us, I’m sharing ways to remember your baby and others that will be meaningful and bring peace. Special days do not have to be awful anymore.

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Music by ZingDog on Pond5


It is a really exciting day for me and hopefully for all of you listening, it is the third birthday of the Smooth Stones podcast. I launched this on October 15th, 2019, which seems so long ago, and so. Not long ago. Time just goes through, we’ve gone through a pandemic, we’ve had over a hundred episodes.

It’s been such a beautiful journey and I’m so grateful you’re here with me. And as a present, I would love if you would review the podcast. Can you just take a minute? On your app and review, especially on Apple, and I think Google Podcast has reviews as well, whatever platform you’re using. If you can do a review, please do a review and even more special would be if you would share the podcast, share your favorite episode, share what touched you, share what you learned, and how much.

The tools of managing your mind while living life after loss have helped you. That is how we help the podcast grow. That’s how we help all our loss parent friends to be able to do this work for themselves and let go of extra layers of pain that they are carrying and just live a beautiful life after loss and do the amazing things that they are destined to do.

That’s why I am here, and I thank you again. So happy birthday to all of us. I share this with you. If you follow me on Instagram, it’s at amy dot Smooth Stone’s Coaching. Come on over there. I’m gonna be doing some giveaways and some prizes, some presents. I love to throw a birthday party for me and for you, really, it’s to celebrate each one of you.

So if you wanna win, get over there. That’s gonna be really fun. This week’s episode is a special one. We’re just talking about remembering our babies and as we are in this remembrance month, or if you’re listening at a different time. We might ask the question, why do we have a remembrance month? Or why do we have a remembrance day?

Why is October 15th special? And what I love is that this remembrance month and this remembrance day has really come about because of bereaved parents who made it happen. And bereaved parents who wanted a time to acknowledge their babies, who don’t get acknowledged day to day, cuz we don’t get to. Talk about them growing up and taking their first steps and their first day of school and what they’re wearing for Halloween.

We don’t get to do all of that. And so it’s really a grassroots thing that started and has taken off, and I see it growing. I still see people every day or every year, Asking their cities to light things up pink and blue and asking people to declare this pregnancy loss remembrance day. Um, it’s just a beautiful thing.

When, and powerful when lost parents. Okay. If my audio was weird, forgive me, I think I’ve got it fixed, but my microphone was slowly sliding away from my mouth and I couldn’t, I didn’t notice. But yeah, I think. What we do as lost parents is amazing and incredible, and I love how we advocate for our children, even though they’re not here.

I love how we advocate for other lost parents and the support that they need, and I love how we advocate for people who don’t. Even know what loss is, to be able to be aware of it, to understand it, to know that it could happen in a way that’s empowering and not scary. Because I think for so many people, they didn’t know this was a possibility until it happened to them, and we just don’t want that to happen to other people.

I love how people who have been through the fire just come back with those buckets of water to help the people behind them and. Even help people who have no idea. It’s amazing and it’s powerful. I saw something going around on social media that was kind of saying, you know, we’re lost parents. We don’t need a remembrance day.

We already remember, we don’t need an awareness day. We’re already aware. But I choose to look at these days as a beautiful gift and really a gift from people and parents who have come before who said, We need this. We need to be aware of our babies and loss and just remember them and remember those who grieve.

And I think remember those babies who just were swept away and parents who were told just to move on and to not think about it. So I really, really, um, love this. And for today’s episode, we’re just really quickly gonna talk about a couple of ways we remember and why I think it’s important. And so I hope that this is inspiring to you and maybe helps you look at October 15th a little different way.

Let’s dive in. Okay. One way that a lot of people remember and honor their babies is to share on social media. And social media can be a place that is a little bit scary after loss. As scary when you’re grieving. It can also be just a refuge when you find your people there. But sharing on social media to your friends and family can be a beautiful thing to do.

And it can be scary. So if you’re feeling scared or vulnerable or like you don’t wanna spill your guts online, you don’t have to, but if you want to, I think it’s a beautiful way to honor your baby and their life and just, Share the reality of what you are going through. That is a gift to everyone who reads it.

It’s a gift to you to just give yourself permission to share your story. There is power in that, especially if you often day-to-day feel like people don’t acknowledge your baby. That’s okay. Acknowledge them yourself. You can do this. You are their parent. You are the one. Who knows exactly what to say and exactly what to do.

So as you decide what to share and how often to share, just come from the heart and decide what do I want for me, right? And what do I wanna do to honor my child? It might be awareness, it might be telling people what it’s like. It might be telling people how to prevent stillbirth by counting kicks, or it might be.

Just solidarity and sharing your story, but you don’t need to be afraid. For the most part, what I see is these stories are very well received, and if they’re not, you know what? That’s okay. You don’t need to worry about what other people think. Just delete their comment and move on. But share your baby.

They matter, and it’s okay to share. And it’s a beautiful way to honor you, your family, and to help other people understand what this is like. Another way we can honor our babies, especially during October, but really anytime why not, is to meet in person, attend a walk. Find somewhere where you can talk about your baby freely and, and just share your story and be with people who understand.

There are so many walks, there are so many events, and if there isn’t one in your area, start one. Maybe it’s your turn. To make this happen. There is something special about meeting in person and going into a room or into a park or wherever it is, and just getting to hug and talk to and meet people who understand people who also have babies who are not with them.

People who understand grief. Give yourself that gift and it might take some effort and might be a little bit inconvenient. Um, I know for me, like the baby loss walks are always during hunting season and lots of times I need to go by myself or my kids are getting older and they don’t all wanna come and we’re trying to figure out schedules.

And for the most part, when I’ve been able to attend live walks, I’ve had to drive over two hours to be at the nearest walk. And that’s okay cuz it was worth it for me. Not everyone’s gonna want to do that, but if you want to do that, give yourself permission to make that happen. Give yourself permission to tell your family.

No, I know it’s a beautiful Saturday in October, we’re gonna go do this. All right, and another way to honor your baby is you don’t have to do anything. Just you being you, doing what feels right to you. Living your life is the perfect way to honor your baby. We’re not trying to people please, during pregnancy and infant loss awareness month, right?

You don’t have to do anything. There’s no pressure. Unless you put it on yourself. A lot of times we might feel a pressure to post and to share and to be somewhere that maybe we’re not ready to be. No, don’t put that pressure on yourself. Don’t tell yourself things that create that feeling of pressure or that you’re doing it wrong.

You cannot mess this up. You can do nothing on October 15th. You can do nothing in October. You can never talk about your baby ever and just keep them in your heart. That is honoring your baby. You just need to decide it, own it, and make it a conscious choice. Don’t tell yourself you can’t do it. Don’t tell yourself it’s too emotional.

Don’t tell yourself it’s too complicated or too hard, or people are gonna be mean to you, or you don’t know what the reaction’s gonna be. If you choose to quietly hold your baby in your heart and never say anything about them your entire life, you are still honoring your baby. You’re still honoring yourself.

So here’s your permission. You can do that. Absolutely. And the last thing I love about October 15th, which is the wave of light. So at 7:00 PM whatever your time zone. We light a candle for one hour and think of our baby’s. I always light one for Lauren, one for river, and one for all. The babies gone too soon and a lot of people will post it online.

Again, you can do that or not. Some people have ceremonies online and name readings and all sorts of different things, and I think that’s really, really beautiful. What I love about the wave of light is it is a beautiful symbol of. How much we are not alone, that all around the world people care about their babies and they care about your baby and they care about you.

It connects us all in something that can feel really, really isolating, but you are not alone. And joining with other parents who understand this pain and grandparents and siblings and friends and family. And even I just went to the International Stillbirth Alliance conference, and I know there are researchers and doctors and so many people who care about your babies and who care about preventing other people from feeling this kind of pain.

And you know what? They like candles with us too. And they care about our babies and they care about us, and they care about future babies that haven’t even been born yet. So I would encourage you. Wherever you are, wherever you’re listening to this, whatever day it is, just know you’re not alone, that you can honor your baby any way you want, but especially in this awareness month, I think it’s a gift.

It’s a gift that people who have come before us have given. And if you feel like you don’t have enough support in your area or you wanna do something more, you can do that too, like make it happen. I live in a really rural area and we are starting our own support groups and having our first walk this year, and I’m really, really excited to have a local walk.

It’s gonna be small, but it’s gonna grow. So start something. If you feel like there’s not enough, you’re the perfect person to get it going, and if you want some help with that, I can coach you. I love coaching people on goals and especially baby loss goals where you wanna help and you wanna honor your baby.

You’re not sure how, but it’s been inside your heart. Come and coach with me. I will walk you through every step and we will make sure it happens. I do have a special, uh, offer coming up in November and December. I’m gonna do an eight week group coaching. It’s the first time I’ve offered this and it’s gonna help you get through the holidays.

But even more than that, you’re gonna learn how to manage your mind, your emotions, your grief. You’re gonna increase your confidence. You’re gonna meet some amazing people, and it is going to be incredible. I am gonna get you all the details. We’re just about ready, ironing all of that out, but if you want in on that, You gotta talk to me, you can email me on my website or come over to my website, join my email list.

Um, that is where you’ll get the information first. But I will be doing an eight week group coaching. It’s gonna be really affordable. So if cost is an issue, just start planning on it because you’re gonna wanna get in on this. It’s gonna be small, so you’ll want to get your. Spot quickly. If you’ve been thinking about coaching with me, this is a great opportunity.

You’re not gonna be alone during the holidays. I have got you. And by January, you are gonna feel like a new person. Thank you so much for being here. I wanna honor you and your babies. I think about you every day, and I’m so grateful you are here. I will see you next time. Are you tired of feeling like your baby’s death was somehow your fault?

Go to Smooth Stones and get my free mini course. How to Stop Blaming Yourself After Loss.

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