As a mother you have one job: keep the tiny human alive.
When that doesn’t happen, the easiest thing to do is point the finger of blame right back at yourself.
- Did I eat the wrong thing?
- Was I not paying enough attention?
- Why didn’t I follow my gut when something felt off?
- I shouldn’t have gone jogging that day.
- I should have pushed harder to make the doctor listen to me.
- My body failed.
- It’s my fault.
I’ve rarely encountered a parent who doesn’t in some way blame themselves. Even if they think it was someone else’s fault that their baby died…they blame themselves for not making different decisions.
I even blamed myself
for decisions I made
AFTER
I knew there was no heartbeat.
I carried that pain with me for years. It sat in the background and whispered,
“You are a terrible mother.”
“You didn’t protect your baby.”
And because I chose to have surgery and get testing done without knowing what happened to my baby’s remains after, I told myself, “You threw your baby in the garbage.”
It was an ever present weight. Even though on the outside I looked ok, my insides were festering with blame and shame.
I see so many moms who cannot let go. They are grieving their baby but they also feel completely stuck because they can’t imagine forgiving themselves. Their world feels darker and heavier.
Of course they are resilient and they keep going. They do all the things they need to. Yet, in their hearts is an open wound.
If it’s not attended to, it can stay indefinitely. Time can’t heal it when you’re convinced you had a part in your baby’s death.
Sometimes it even feels incredibly wrong to let go of the blame. It becomes the connection you have. It feels good to be bad to yourself. I mean, someone needs to be punished.
In 2018 I decided to become a life and grief coach for loss moms. Moms who knew miscarriage, stillbirth, tfmr, infant loss or any other heartbreaking situation where they had to say goodbye way too soon.
I had experienced my own daughter being stillborn at full term and endured another loss at 14 weeks.
I made healing myself and helping others my mission. Since then I’ve walked with clients through their darkest hours to help them find their light again. Letting go of blame is a key component in them finding true, deep, in your bones peace.
That’s why I wanted to create a program to focus solely on this one integral issue. If you have blamed yourself in any way for your loss, and when you think about it you feel your heart ache and your stomach drop a little (or a lot), this is exactly where you need to be.
Stop Blaming Yourself in Six Weeks cuts out all the noise and the fluff and gets right to the good stuff. The stuff you’ve probably been afraid to look at, until now.
You see, when you work with me, you have someone guiding you step by step through my proven process to
- Begin by gently pulling out what’s causing the blame and shame.
- Then we’ll wrap your heart in a warm, fuzzy blanket of self compassion (yes, this is a skill you can learn).
- And finally, we’ll show you how to leave the blame in the past (and what to do if it pops back in for a visit)
When you truly understand that you have a choice and you have power within you to stop being your own worst critic, you will feel lighter and brighter than you have in a long time. Doesn’t that sound amazing?
OK, now you’re probably asking “Amy, what are the details?!”
I’ve got you.
What you get:
- 5 group classes
This is where we get to learn together, support one another, build a beautiful support circle, and work towards our goals together. It’s so powerful.
These classes will be 11am Mountain Time on Mondays beginning on November 18th. We’ll start each week out with inspiration and support. If you can’t come, replays will be sent. I encourage you to make the time to join us.
- 2 one-on-one private blame releasing sessions.
This is where we dive into your unique story in a very safe space so you can uncover and heal the meanest things you’re telling yourself. We’ll begin together so you can jump start your progress. We’ll finish together to give you the peace you’re looking for.
Private sessions will be booked once you’ve joined. Availability is Tues-Thursday 9:00am to 1:00pm Mountain time. If those times don’t work, please reach out and I’ll see what I can do.
As the title implies, we’re going to jump right in and get this done. We start mid-November and we’ll finish right before the Holidays.
What people are saying:
Amy is one of the kindest, most compassionate people I have ever met. I feel like she genuinely loves me and wants to help me. She has helped me see grief in a different light. Amy believed their was hope for me, when I couldn’t believe it myself.
~Whitney Barnes
What’s stopping you!? We all deserve to take care of ourselves. Learning to navigate life following babyloss/infant loss is like walking through a minefield. There are so many moments you feel in control and then out of nowhere an image, scent, smell, or comment can throw you into the depths of grief. It’s a difficult path to choose to walk alone. Amy helps “walk along side” you in this journey. Amy’s kindness, caring, and compassion for helping others will truly help YOU take control of your life. Do it, you won’t regret it!
Working with Amy helped me identify and put words to things that I didn’t realize I was thinking and feeling. I learned to have more love and empathy for the parts of me that were hurting, even though my meetings with Amy were virtual, it felt like a warm hug every time I met with her. When I started coaching with Amy I felt trapped by what was happening around me, but now I feel so much more empowered to choose how to feel and react and change.
~Dani F.
Amy has been incredibly wonderful to work with. She held sacred space for me and made me feel heard and loved. She gave me the tools to manage my past grief while dealing with anxiety about the future. I couldn’t have asked for a better experience and highly recommend her to anyone who is struggling with loss.
~Sera B.
FAQ
Yes! I totally get it, it’s normal to be nervous in a group, especially people you haven’t met yet. I want you to know that you won’t be forced to do anything you don’t want to do. I will set the tone of the group from the beginning so that you can feel safe there. You’ll be amazed how healing it is to hear other people’s stories and struggles. You’ll be inspired by each other. You’ll be able to connect in this space in a way you may never have before. We’ll also be doing a lot of learning and self reflection in our group classes. You don’t want to miss this experience.
I’m not here to tell you what to do with your money. I trust you know what’s best for you. I do know that we often spend money on things we think will make us feel better that ultimately don’t. I also know that our own mental health and well being is the last thing a lot of people (especially moms) put time, energy and money into. But it’s the foundation of everything we do. What would it be worth to you to truly leave the blame behind for good? What else would you be able to do?
I never want finances to be the barrier to getting support. Scholarships and extended payment plans are available upon request. Please email amy@smoothstonescoaching.com
Yes, life is busy. And today is the perfect time to take care of you. I’ve purposely set up this program to work with you. The Monday classes are the perfect way to kick off each week. The private sessions are flexible to your schedule. You always make time for what matters. Why not put yourself on that list?
I can’t speak for all coaches, but here’s what it’s like working with me: You will immediately feel loved and supported. I can’t help it, my clients are my favorite. You also are going to get real, practical tools to look at your life and your grief in a different way. You’ll start feeling hope that you can actually let go of this blame. We’ll do mindset work, learn how to handle emotions, understand our body and how your nervous system plays a role in your experience. I’ll help you find joy in the little things. You’ll have your very own cheerleader who isn’t afraid to call out the crap your inner critic is telling you. Then we’ll give that inner critic some love, because they are a part of you. In my unbiased opinion, coaching with me is the best. (read the testimonials above if you want some more opinions.)
Yes. I plan to help as many people stop blaming themselves as I can, but I’m not sure when the next session will be. The real question is, why do you think “another time” will be better for you? Now, you might legitimately have scheduling conflicts. If that’s the case, stick around, let me know, and let’s see what we can do next time. Just be careful that you aren’t putting off your own healing for other reasons and using scheduling as an excuse. You have one life. Tomorrow isn’t going to be better than today. Think about where you could be 3 months or a year from now if you let go of the blame this session.
If you’re here, reading this, you’re ready. You’re looking for solutions and you’ve found a great one. It can be scary to let go of the blame. In some ways it’s like a security blanket. You don’t know what it would even be like without it. I hear you. You probably also have practiced doubting yourself for a long time. A long time. Here’s the thing: you’re not doing this alone. You’ve got me, and I’m not going to let you fail. No matter what, you will grow through this experience in ways you can’t even see yet. Ready doesn’t mean feeling fully confident. Ready means you want it. All you have to do is say yes.
Yes! The best part is you get to customize your experience. No matter who or what you blame, you are still carrying that weight. You can learn how to put it down. You can learn how to shift the blame that keeps you stuck into motivation to do what you need to do now. You can stop letting other people control how you feel. I’ve got you.
So many of my clients come to me having tried to get help from family, friends, counselors, groups online…But they still feel like they have to explain themselves or just resign themselves to being misunderstood. There’s a disconnect. Not here. I’ve walked the walk myself and I’ve listened to thousands of stories. I’ve been there on people’s worst days. I know grief like the back of my hand. You don’t have to explain it, and that alone is priceless.
Instead of you doing the work to feel understood, you’ll be welcomed in and taken care of immediately. It’s such a relief.
You don’t have to do this alone.
You don’t have to wait anymore.
At Smooth Stones Coaching I never want budget to be the reason you can’t get support. Scholarships or extended payment plans are available.
Please email amy@smoothstonescoaching.com