I was coached by an incredible woman recently.  She has helped me so much.  I wanted to share one of the most amazing ideas she taught me.

It’s about lenses.  I am lucky enough not to need glasses(yet), but these days it’s tempting just to get some anyway because they are so darn cute! 

We were talking about someone in my life who is challenging to me.  I bet you can think of a few of those.  Pick one if you would like to.

When we look at this person, we see them a certain way. A lot of it probably comes from the past, things they have done, things they have said.  Then there is how they made you feel.  What you made their words or actions mean about you.  We invent these glasses for ourselves and then our brain takes over for us. Our brain is SO GOOD at this!  As we look through the lenses, all we can see is what we are looking for.  Everything they do is colored.

For me, it was rejection.  Everything this person did reinforced the idea that he didn’t care about me or like me.  What about you?  What lens are you wearing for the person you picked?  Maybe it’s judgement or indifference or competition or insecurity. 

But guess what? You can change those glasses!! You get to pick which ones you want!  What if you get the pair with sparkly diamonds or some cool aviators or the ever-sought-after rose colored glasses.  What if you let go and allowed yourself to look at the person differently?  How would you get to feel then? 

For me, I wanted to stop looking for rejection, and instead see this person with compassion.  So that’s my work to do.  I’m sure I will fall back into that old style sometimes, but I’m going to remember that right there in my purse I have those cute, heart shaped lenses that I can wear now.  They are infinitely more comfortable.

You can apply these lenses to any area of your life.  How do you want to look at the life of your baby?  How do you want to look at your family now?  Without any judgement…notice what lens your mind has picked for you.  Many of us see our losses as UNFAIR.  We see everything that is MISSING.  We see PAIN.

You can flip the script.  You can look for the good. You can see what you have and what you have learned, you can see yourself healing. You can train your brain to stop fighting with the past and start living in the present, with hope for your future.  It’s all available to you, whenever you want it. 

Pick someone or something in your life right now, today.  See what set of glasses you really want to get rid of, and let’s find a pair that feels right.