Our relationship with ourselves.

It’s probably not something we spend a lot of time thinking about.

We just let it happen. We are always with ourselves, so it is easy to just accept the things we think about ourselves as truth. It doesn’t take much effort to believe things our brain has offered us over and over.

“I’m a people person.”

“I’m a perfectionist.”

“I am not good at math.”

“I wish I was more like my friend.”

Or perhaps there have been events in our lives that has changed this dialogue.

We say things like “I used to be confident and comfortable in my skin but ever since my baby was stillborn I am anxious and I hate this body for failing me.”

“I used to love going out with friends but now all I want to do is stay home and watch Netflix.”

“I always believed I could do anything, until I couldn’t have living baby.”

What are some of the thoughts you think about you, in general, about your body, about your mind, about your abilities, about your relationships, about your work (job/mom/both)?  Take a minute to write down some of these thoughts. Positive and negative.

Just like any other, your relationship with you is based on your thoughts about yourself.

Our brain is conditioned to look for the bad and to judge. That’s why it can be really easy for us, especially as women, to focus on the negative and all the things we don’t like. We also live in a society that is constantly pointing out supposed flaws.  We can spend so much brain energy judging ourselves that we often have very little energy left to love ourselves on purpose.

We are also socialized in many cases to not be arrogant or prideful. We are not supposed to actually think or express good things about ourselves. This is part of the reason why so many of us cannot take a compliment. 

The problem that arises from all of this is a general sense of not being good enough. That thought colors everything we do.  Every relationship we have.  Every goal we set. Our results often leave us wanting more.  But we don’t know how to get it. We all innately desire love and acceptance. And we look for it everywhere. But the true power comes when you realize that you can give it to yourself.

If you want to have an amazing relationship with yourself, you simply have to commit to thinking awesome thoughts about yourself.

 How does that sound to you? Easy? Difficult? Impossible?

Why?

And I am not talking about positive thoughts, and telling yourself things you don’t believe. 

I’m talking about truly learning to create a wonderful relationship with you.  Because when you think awesome thoughts about you, you are the one who gets to feel amazing inside.

And you may have to take baby steps to get there. That’s ok.

If your thought right now is “My body failed me and my baby.”

Try some of these thoughts as stepping stones to what you want to think:

-I notice I keep thinking the thought “my body failed me and my baby, and it’s ok.”

-It’s possible my body didn’t fail me.

-how could I be wrong about this?

-I’m becoming a person who doesn’t think her body failed.

-Also look for ways to neutralize the thought, for example: “I have a body”

The truth is we can choose to think anything we want about ourselves.  Many of us have been conditioned to think badly. We believe that we have to beat ourselves up to make progress, like hating our body will propel us to lose weight.  Or we keep telling ourselves we should be different or should have handled things differently as we walk through our grief.  We keep resisting how we are doing during pregnancy after loss or trying to conceive.  We have so many thoughts that are creating our current results.

When we decide we are ready to give all of that up, we can start to change.  We can give ourselves grace when we make mistakes.  We can love ourselves just as we are. We can allow ourselves to be human. We can even think we are perfect, worthy and whole.  And you know why?

 Because you are.

You are a miracle.  Just because you are here. Just because you exist.  You are perfect just like your little one is perfect, without having to prove anything. 

That kind of unconditional love for YOU will give you all the confidence, motivation and peace in your life that you have been searching for outside of you. 

Girl, it’s within you.

Be kind to yourself.  Love yourself.  Believe in yourself.  Just as you are.

It’s totally possible. 

If you want help identifying these thoughts and learning to love you, click here.

This work will take every relationship you have to the next level.  And it feels so much better.